Silver Adept (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
silveradept) wrote2005-09-19 10:13 pm
silveradept) wrote2005-09-19 10:13 pm
Monday struck again.
And in high fashion, I spent some of the time doing work. Other parts, not so much. Although, I could have decided to take up work at spirit photography. Or, perhaps as Tine should be doing, as it is her birthday, screw the photography and go straight to the spirits.
Also, the drive-in may be coming to a wall near you. Wouldn't that be cool, to have drive-in movies all over the place again? Although, you might want to avoid a particular spot in India, which just had a seventh meteor crash a while ago. And it would be a good idea to avoid the man with the 40,000 volt suit.
Finally, in two things that probably shouldn't be put together, new ways of screwing people over - like RPS-15. Would you like to play a game?
No? Then sit back and enjoy a tale of how a certain Masterful Magus came to be enmeshed in the struggle between Good and Evil...
You see, long ago, there was an alchemist. And this particular alchemist had a knack...
*BOOM* *The door flies outward from the laboratory, SILVER following not very far behind, and a very rapidly-expanding fireball trailing them both. Door and magus take a ten-floor free-fall, with the door clattering, but the magus righting himself and touching down lightly.*
SILVER: "Still not enough pepper."
...for blowing things up.
SILVER: "I'm an alchemist, what do you expect? Dreary days of turning lead into gold? Do you know how hard it is to transmute things and not be arrested for forgery?"
*Cut: Camera sees tapping foot of Goddess. Camera moves up the figure of MARITZA, properly Amazon-styled, with the ridiculously overbalancing chest and the impossibly tiny waist. Also Greek-style dress, even though she's wearing spectacles and is still clearly Mexican*
MARITZA: "I need followers. Preferably ones that can do things without staring at my chest." *Camera snaps back up to her face* "Also, it would be a bonus if this particular person could heat the palace in the winter.
In a time of Dark Deeds...
*Cut to SILVER, standing in front of dimensional transceiver. SILVER whacks it once, getting static, and then a clear picture of InvisoSquirrel.*
SILVER: "Ah, good. Just in time." *Camera swivels behind Silver, where one can see a precariously perched pouch of pure potassium hanging over his cooking cauldron.*
SILVER: "I hope that nothing disturbs the precariously perched pouch of pure potassium positioned over my cooking cauldron. Especially not a large man in armor, who has come to arrest me for not paying my satellite bill." *Door, patched and sealed with superglue, is pounded upon, upsetting the pouch into the cooking cauldron.
*Cut outside to familiar scene, except there is a MAN IN ARMOR standing outside the door.*
MAN IN ARMOR: "Open up!"
There's only one man talented enough...
*BOOM! MAN IN ARMOR is speared through by the splinters of the door exploding off the hinges. MAN IN ARMOR is thrown through the railing, falling ten stories down, SILVER following not too far behind. Once again, SILVER slows his descent and touches down. SILVER notices the obviously dead MAN IN ARMOR.
SILVER: "Well, this sucks. Now I need a way out of here that doesn't require using the highly comedic and often ineffective Dimensional Transporter Prototype that I've been hiding." *SILVER notices two more MEN IN ARMOR coming his way. SILVER opens the closest door to him, the one marked "Secret Dimensional Transporter Prototype"* *There is a FLASH! from behind the door*
*Cut to: MARITZA, still in Greek dress, in the middle of having grapes fed to her by BOARDIES. SILVER appears in a FLASH! right above Maritza, flailing wildly. MARITZA vacates her divan an instant before SILVER crashes onto it, breaking it.*
SILVER: "Oh, crud." MARITZA has fire reflected in her glasses.
...to end up in more trouble than when he started.
*Cut to: SILVER, upside-down before MARITZA, trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey.*
MARITZA: "That was my favorite divan! And you ruined it! How do you expect to be able to pay for this?"
SILVER: "Well, I am an alchemist. I can make enough gold for you to replace it with. "
MARITZA: "Do you think a Goddess needs gold?"
SILVER: "Fair enough. How about you have my talents as an alchemist and fire mage until I've paid off the debt?"
MARITZA: "That's what I was going to suggest. How perceptive of you. I accept, of course. You can go to work heating my bath water. And stop staring at my chest."
*SILVER is released from the ropes, disappears in a FLASH! of light.*
Coming to a Two-Bit Theater Near You, Whenever We Feel Like Making It...
SILVER'S VOICE: "And from there, I ascended the ranks quickly. Before long, I was the Goddess's Personal Advisor."
MARITZA'S VOICE: "Boy! This water is barely tepid! Do you want me to give you a plague?!"
Full Mental Alchemist: Silver's Story.
*cut to bath chamber, with lots of steam and MARITZA'S head. She notices the camera, and it suddenly statics.*
If you read through that, or just want to know how to get in on the fun, here's the instructions (all of which I have heartily flaunted):
Fans of the Freedom Force computer games will have immediately twigged as to what this is all about - devise a as-long-as-your-attention-span-can-handle Secret Origin for your self/avatar/character/mind-parasite/plot bunny/whatever, in line with the conventions/atmosphere of bad 1960s superhero comics...
Some guidelines apply:
#1, Be epic. Self-explanatory, really.
#2, Everything must not only be melodramatic, it must also be ridICuLOUSLY OVER EMOTED!!!
#3, In the same manner, there must be nothing implied at all - every plot element must be explained in as brainless a way as possible, usually in suitably turgid and contrived dialogue. For example:
SHADOWY FIGURE: "If only I can sneak past the guards and knock out the main reactor! Mustn't...be...seen..."
#4, All sound effects must be clearly shown. Fans of the 1960s Batman series will get the idea...
#5, Bonus points for gratuitous alliteration whenever possible.
#6, Close with your character's name, ideally at a dramatic moment per #2.
And finally...
#7, Be utterly, utterly ridiculous.
Have fun.
Also, the drive-in may be coming to a wall near you. Wouldn't that be cool, to have drive-in movies all over the place again? Although, you might want to avoid a particular spot in India, which just had a seventh meteor crash a while ago. And it would be a good idea to avoid the man with the 40,000 volt suit.
Finally, in two things that probably shouldn't be put together, new ways of screwing people over - like RPS-15. Would you like to play a game?
No? Then sit back and enjoy a tale of how a certain Masterful Magus came to be enmeshed in the struggle between Good and Evil...
You see, long ago, there was an alchemist. And this particular alchemist had a knack...
*BOOM* *The door flies outward from the laboratory, SILVER following not very far behind, and a very rapidly-expanding fireball trailing them both. Door and magus take a ten-floor free-fall, with the door clattering, but the magus righting himself and touching down lightly.*
SILVER: "Still not enough pepper."
...for blowing things up.
SILVER: "I'm an alchemist, what do you expect? Dreary days of turning lead into gold? Do you know how hard it is to transmute things and not be arrested for forgery?"
*Cut: Camera sees tapping foot of Goddess. Camera moves up the figure of MARITZA, properly Amazon-styled, with the ridiculously overbalancing chest and the impossibly tiny waist. Also Greek-style dress, even though she's wearing spectacles and is still clearly Mexican*
MARITZA: "I need followers. Preferably ones that can do things without staring at my chest." *Camera snaps back up to her face* "Also, it would be a bonus if this particular person could heat the palace in the winter.
In a time of Dark Deeds...
*Cut to SILVER, standing in front of dimensional transceiver. SILVER whacks it once, getting static, and then a clear picture of InvisoSquirrel.*
SILVER: "Ah, good. Just in time." *Camera swivels behind Silver, where one can see a precariously perched pouch of pure potassium hanging over his cooking cauldron.*
SILVER: "I hope that nothing disturbs the precariously perched pouch of pure potassium positioned over my cooking cauldron. Especially not a large man in armor, who has come to arrest me for not paying my satellite bill." *Door, patched and sealed with superglue, is pounded upon, upsetting the pouch into the cooking cauldron.
*Cut outside to familiar scene, except there is a MAN IN ARMOR standing outside the door.*
MAN IN ARMOR: "Open up!"
There's only one man talented enough...
*BOOM! MAN IN ARMOR is speared through by the splinters of the door exploding off the hinges. MAN IN ARMOR is thrown through the railing, falling ten stories down, SILVER following not too far behind. Once again, SILVER slows his descent and touches down. SILVER notices the obviously dead MAN IN ARMOR.
SILVER: "Well, this sucks. Now I need a way out of here that doesn't require using the highly comedic and often ineffective Dimensional Transporter Prototype that I've been hiding." *SILVER notices two more MEN IN ARMOR coming his way. SILVER opens the closest door to him, the one marked "Secret Dimensional Transporter Prototype"* *There is a FLASH! from behind the door*
*Cut to: MARITZA, still in Greek dress, in the middle of having grapes fed to her by BOARDIES. SILVER appears in a FLASH! right above Maritza, flailing wildly. MARITZA vacates her divan an instant before SILVER crashes onto it, breaking it.*
SILVER: "Oh, crud." MARITZA has fire reflected in her glasses.
...to end up in more trouble than when he started.
*Cut to: SILVER, upside-down before MARITZA, trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey.*
MARITZA: "That was my favorite divan! And you ruined it! How do you expect to be able to pay for this?"
SILVER: "Well, I am an alchemist. I can make enough gold for you to replace it with. "
MARITZA: "Do you think a Goddess needs gold?"
SILVER: "Fair enough. How about you have my talents as an alchemist and fire mage until I've paid off the debt?"
MARITZA: "That's what I was going to suggest. How perceptive of you. I accept, of course. You can go to work heating my bath water. And stop staring at my chest."
*SILVER is released from the ropes, disappears in a FLASH! of light.*
Coming to a Two-Bit Theater Near You, Whenever We Feel Like Making It...
SILVER'S VOICE: "And from there, I ascended the ranks quickly. Before long, I was the Goddess's Personal Advisor."
MARITZA'S VOICE: "Boy! This water is barely tepid! Do you want me to give you a plague?!"
Full Mental Alchemist: Silver's Story.
*cut to bath chamber, with lots of steam and MARITZA'S head. She notices the camera, and it suddenly statics.*
If you read through that, or just want to know how to get in on the fun, here's the instructions (all of which I have heartily flaunted):
Fans of the Freedom Force computer games will have immediately twigged as to what this is all about - devise a as-long-as-your-attention-span-can-handle Secret Origin for your self/avatar/character/mind-parasite/plot bunny/whatever, in line with the conventions/atmosphere of bad 1960s superhero comics...
Some guidelines apply:
#1, Be epic. Self-explanatory, really.
#2, Everything must not only be melodramatic, it must also be ridICuLOUSLY OVER EMOTED!!!
#3, In the same manner, there must be nothing implied at all - every plot element must be explained in as brainless a way as possible, usually in suitably turgid and contrived dialogue. For example:
SHADOWY FIGURE: "If only I can sneak past the guards and knock out the main reactor! Mustn't...be...seen..."
#4, All sound effects must be clearly shown. Fans of the 1960s Batman series will get the idea...
#5, Bonus points for gratuitous alliteration whenever possible.
#6, Close with your character's name, ideally at a dramatic moment per #2.
And finally...
#7, Be utterly, utterly ridiculous.
Have fun.