Write Every Day: 08 November 02019

[silveradept]

Greetings! This is the Write Every Day Check-In Post for 8 November 02019.

Have you ever been in a situation where you don't realize how much skill and ability you have amassed until someone else puts it into relief for you? The kind of thing where since you are the only reference point you know, you assume that you are average at things, if not below average, because you know that there are always going to be people better than you? (I am given to understand this is not the case for the meme-worthy "mediocre white man," but let's leave him aside for a moment.) The kind of skills that come from a long amount of practice, some study, and the occasional fight with a search engine to get it to tell you something useful. Where when you say something like "Yes, I have a functioning Linux system and have been running one for years," people stare at you like you have become a technical wizard capable of impossible feats. Even though, these days, there are systems that are built to be friendly to people who have no Linux experience at all?

Yeah, that's my workplace. Given that the entire profession mostly operates on the only permanent rule of Calvinball, there are times where someone asks a question, you say "I don't know off the top of my head, but let's take a look," tap a few words into your search engine of choice, and produce answers or relevant results. And then get stared at, because in a few keystrokes, you have done better than their frustrated searching for the last block of time. It's not magic, it just looks like it.

I am coming into this phase regarding a project I am running at work. I do not have any official experience or training to be a project manager. I have sat on other projects, herded people, produced results, and done other things that are important to project and committee work, but I haven't actually ever been trained on how to run the thing myself. Apparently, since I've been working in my capacity for as long as I have, the organization seems to think I've picked up the necessary skills through osmosis. And, really, unless I do something that clearly shows I should have been trained on that, they probably will continue to think that. And I'd like to believe I'm at least average at my work, so I won't make that kind of mistake. And the cycle perpetuates. I have a feeling, however, that if I explained what I was doing to someone just starting out in the profession, unless they had specifically taken coursework on managing people and projects, what I was saying was casually part of my day would seem like fantastic magic to them. Because everyone else around me is good at what they do, I am, too, but it doesn't seem like it. The level has been raised so much that the extraordinary becomes ordinary.

I sometimes wonder if this applies to aspects of my writing as well. I mean, I'm still new to transformative fanworks (except I'm not, not really, there's a throughline of transformative works wherever I go, and I should acknowledge that), but I've been told by others that what I think of as a normal juggling load of exchanges is not normal at all, and I suspect, again, that if someone just coming to fandom were to look at my collection of works, they might think I have more skill than I think I have.

I'm not sure if there's a way of figuring out how to get out of my own head and to see myself through the eyes of a newcomer, to understand how far I've come from my origin point, even as I'm gesturing at ever higher mountains and luminaries in the distance and saying "no, no, they're good. Just look at those works!"

If you have a beginner handy, maybe they can help give you some perspective.

Today, in writing, completion was on my mind, as I tried to get a few stories to complete draft status so that they could be shipped off to betas or otherwise be out of the "Panic!" mode that often accompanies a work that's not at least at the minimum threshold and drawn to a conclusion of some sort that will work. Yes, even though there are still weeks ahead, that's all revision time, and time that I can use for drafting on the next assignment that's come in. Layering exchanges on top of each other is a hobby of mine, even though that sometimes means I don't write as many treats as I probably should. (Strange word, should. Often indicates an obligation that goes unfulfilled and induces guilt rather than helping someone usefully look at what they are doing and already have done.)

Here's the tally so far:

Day One: alexcat, alexseanchai, auroracloud, azurelunatic, bladespark, carenejeans, chanter1944, china_shop, cornerofmadness, lferion, ofmonstrouswords, sanguinity, silveradept, st_aurafina, sylvanwitch, umadoshi, yasaman, ysilme

Day Two: alexcat, alexseanchai, auroracloud, azurelunatic, bladespark, carenejeans, chanter1944, china_shop, cornerofmadness, lferion, ofmonstrouswords, redsixwing, sakana17, sanguinity, silveradept, st_aurafina, sylvanwitch, teigh_corvus, umadoshi, yasaman, ysilme

Day Three: alexcat, alexseanchai, auroracloud, azurelunatic, bladespark, carenejeans, chanter1944, china_shop, cornerofmadness, lferion, redsixwing, sakana17, sanguinity, sierranovembr, silveradept, st_aurafina, sylvanwitch, umadoshi, yasaman, ysilme

Day Four: alexcat, alexseanchai, azurelunatic, bladespark, carenejeans, chanter1944, china_shop, cornerofmadness, lferion, nafs, redsixwing, sanguinity, sierranovembr, silveradept, sylvanwitch, umadoshi, yasaman, ysilme

Day Five: alexcat, alexseanchai, auroracloud, azurelunatic, bladespark, carenejeans, chanter1944, china_shop, cornerofmadness, lferion, sanguinity, silveradept, sylvanwitch, umadoshi, yasaman, ysilme

Day Six: alexcat, alexseanchai, auroracloud, azurelunatic, bladespark, carenejeans, chanter1944, china_shop, cornerofmadness, lferion, redsixwing, sakana17, sanguinity, silveradept, sylvanwitch, treonb, umadoshi, yasaman, ysilme

Day Seven: alexcat, alexseanchai, auroracloud, azurelunatic, bladespark, carenejeans, chanter1944, china_shop, cornerofmadness, lferion, redsixwing, sakana17, sanguinity, silveradept, sylvanwitch, umadoshi, yasaman, ysilme

Day Eight: alexcat, alexseanchai, azurelunatic, carenejeans, chanter1944, china_shop, cornerofmadness, lferion, sakana17, sanguinity, silveradept, sylvanwitch, treonb, umadoshi, yasaman, ysilme

Comments

[china_shop]

DAY 9: 105 words on fic #6, a bit more work on fic #4, and I got beta back on #5, which also needs a ton of work, argh, so I spent some of this afternoon writing three limericks for fan_flashworks, so I wouldn't get waylaid from my current project trying to come up with a "quick ficlet" for the current round which closes in a day and a half. :-)

[silveradept]

Sounds like excellent time management and thinking on your feet.

[chanter1944]

A few sentences is all for today. It's not zero, so I'll take it. *yaaaawns* *flops*

[silveradept]

That sounds like a good idea. Should probably do that soon.

[alexseanchai]

I tweaked a draft I hadn't touched since July to partially account for subsequent canon. I do not think I can account for all of subsequent canon without torching the premise, though.

…

go reread your earliest stuff and compare quality to your current stuff?

(in related news, I know exactly where to find my earliest published fanfic on Wayback Machine, but hell if I'm admitting to anyone where—beyond "ex-Geocities"—that actually is)

[silveradept]

Quality is a subjective measure. How would I even know what to measure?

[alexseanchai]

*flails*

[silveradept]

Right there with you on that.

[azurelunatic]

The emotional reaction of "your efforts were valiant, Past Self, but I would do the following things differently if I were writing this now" is a good indicator of things you have learned.

[silveradept]

That's a big *shrug*, and not really knowing if I would do anything different?

[azurelunatic]

You can also compare types and volumes of statements from betas. How much "I know what you meant but can you re-word" per volume are you getting now? Are the critiques more high level?

[silveradept]

Double *shrug*, but they do seem to be more problems of autocucumber when it comes to needing to change words, rather than a lack of clarity.

[lferion]

Day 8 -- I hear you on the 'when did I become the expert/wizard/maker of amazing?' thing. It is a strange feeling.

I managed 300ish words on Lamps. Still trying to get more of the shape of the background (and foreground, somewhat) structures that shape the situation the characters are in the middle of. Making some progress.

[silveradept]

It really is. And good for sketching out what's going on.

[umadoshi]

209 words!

[silveradept]

Yay, words!

[alexcat]

three days here...
Day 6 - 10 words
Day 7 - 149 words
Day 8 - 410

[silveradept]

That's progress each day.

[azurelunatic]

I have written at least 1000 words. There may be a few more in the next two hours.

[silveradept]

More words, yay?

[azurelunatic]

Yay.

[yasaman]

Day 8: edited one longish section of the draft, and netted a word count of negative 286 words, since today's main editing task was to cut this section down. Also wrote 1,082 words on the WIP.

[silveradept]

A good set of words in one place or another, I guess.

[sylvanwitch]

I have had the experience you describe here, re: work, wherein someone has been astonished/shocked by something I've done sort of off-the-cuff because it's natural to me, and then I've been all flustered and weird about their praise of it because, well, it doesn't seem that important or special to me? And in my effort to deflect what I perceive as undeserved praise, I occasionally make that someone feel like an idiot for NOT knowing how to do what I did so thoughtlessly. It's a strange cycle.

I hope you find your newbie! *grins*

On Day 8, I managed 310 words after returning home in the evening from my Very Long Day, Part Deux.

Today, there will be only fun. I command it. ;-)

[silveradept]

Yay, fun, and yay words.

[cornerofmadness]

once again not much a few hundred words BUT I did send out something to a publisher so there's that

[silveradept]

A few hundred words is great. Also, yay you for sending a thing!

[cornerofmadness]

thanks

[sakana17]

Nov. 8: 613 words.

[silveradept]

Yay for words.

[sanguinity]

Nov. 8: alibi sentence.

[silveradept]

I believe it, and they do, too.

[carenejeans]

Just an alibi sentence for Day 8. And lots of nitpicky editing & revision on the nonfiction project.

[silveradept]

Revision and editing can sometimes take a while. But even an alibi sentence is yay words.

[treonb]

Day 7 - about 200, finished off the last chapter of a posted fic (took only two years..)

Day 8 - with all the rewriting, about 100.

[silveradept]

Congratulations on finishing the work! That's an accomplishment.

[ysilme]

I know the feeling well, it often happens to me - maybe because I'm typically doing things people aren't necessarily expecting me to do, and learn them my way, which is often not the typical/average one, so I often surprise people.

I'm not sure if there's a way of figuring out how to get out of my own head and to see myself through the eyes of a newcomer, to understand how far I've come from my origin point, even as I'm gesturing at ever higher mountains and luminaries in the distance and saying "no, no, they're good. Just look at those works!"
I'm not sure - but might part of this be a thorough education/training as well as cultural imprinting to be always humble, to not take yourself too important, to not be misproud and all this? (I hope it's clear what I mean; I find it difficult to say in English). At a time in my life when I was really low and dealt with severe depression, I was seeing a psychologist for my issues. She made me see that I'd been taught to never make too much out of myself and my achievements so thoroughly, that I'd also lost the ability to be proud of myself, and proud of the things I've done and achieved. Learning to do this again is an ongoing process, but I've already come along part of the way, which has changed my perception of myself and my achievements already in a helpful way.

3,4k for my tally for yesterday, with 2011 words for NaNo. (And I'm just 600 words shy of making 20k overall for NaNo tonight, so yay me? ;op )

[sylvanwitch]

Just popping in briefly to say: Yay, you, indeed! Yay! *\o/*

(I'm having a birthday weekend. Miraculously, T. has both today AND tomorrow off, which hasn't happened in I don't know how long. So we're just out having fun and eating too much and generally enjoying each other's company. He's popped out for a bit, but when he gets back, we're watching a movie. So I'm not here, really, and you didn't see me. *grins*)

Also, I can't speak for all cultures, but I know that in the US it's typical for women of our generation to have had the feelings you describe above ingrained in us, that we're not supposed to make too much of our accomplishments or even take too much pride in them; that we're not supposed to expect or want acknowledgement of our achievements; and that our hard work is the least we can do, not an indicator of our dedication. I've mostly managed to work myself away from that perspective, but I do catch myself acting from that place still now and again.

[silveradept]

Definitely yay you for the 20k party!

Yeah, there's a pretty strong cultural influence that I grew up with about being humble and pridefulness being immoral, but there's also been a certain amount of reinforcement of that in other parts of my life, and I think I've taken to heart a lot of the "hey, you, with the privilege, step back and let others step forward" and decided one of the easier ways of doing that is not to promote myself at all.

[redsixwing]

I'm glad you have the opportunity to see other people react to your skills. Let me add: you have a very impressive throughline of transformative works, and I remain in awe of your abilities as a filler of prompts.

I have so far made words every day. Yesterday I made one paragraph, but I did it on purpose and it counts.

[silveradept]

Yay, is that words for all days up to 11 so far?

Thanks. Prompt-filling doesn't seem all that difficult, but that's possibly a trick of expertise and practice. And possibly having a mind that can do that stuff, but I would say expertise and practice first.

[redsixwing]

It is! I have worded all the days. (Including today, on a Yuletide fill rather than the dingdang fanfic.)

This is my.. second? fandom exchange, and I am lucky enough to have gotten a prompt I can work with this time. I am inclined to say you may be selling yourself short on what seems to me to be a very specific skill.

I see it the way playing Magic: the Gathering is a skill, but drafting, in which the games start when the first pack of cards is open, is a subtly different, specialized skill. It's fun... but it's not easy.

[silveradept]

Entirely possible that it is a specialized skill, like sealed booster drafts, and not a general thing. But when you have mostly yourself and other fic exchange writers for reference…

I might also be boosting my chances of success by only offering things where I'm fairly confident I can turn out something good, so I only have good draws and better draws, usually.

[redsixwing]

This not-usually-an-exchange-writer continues to be impressed. :)