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To begin again, as I do every time.
Aug. 11th, 2005 10:45 pmAt each point in this narrative, a discrete amount of existence has passed. Often times, the existence has provided food for thought, but the writer often tries to make a point of moving back to an arbitrary "start point" before engaging his narrative. The only exceptions are when he's continuing a theme or meme from the previous entry or referencing back to a previous point to begin a new branch with. Admittedly, that does make for some interesting trees when topics are revisited, often together, in later entries. But it shows the complexity of the human mind. It returns to places it has been, it works nonlocally, nontemporally, and is sometimes responsible for bridges across wildly disparate topics, bringing them together in a rather strange but perfectly sensible juxtaposition or combination.
From the mind spring for the tendrils that build the fragments of our realities. What is in the mind may be original, it may be taught, it may be forced. But from the mind come the fragments. When two fragments interact, they either build a shared fragment on what both participants are willing to concede to the other, or they clash violently because neither side is willing to provide building blocks that the other will accept in his consensus reality. The violent interactions are self-destructive. Either both parties find some sort of consensus (domination of an idea is a consensus - the one conceding not only gives up the territory, but agrees that the other person's fragment is the accepted mode of interaction), or one party leaves the fragment, putting no farther effort into it, and it collapses. The one who remains is often mistaken into believing that he has achieved victory, when it is truer that his opponent found no value in keeping that interaction. Conflict only occurs when both people are interested in it.
I find the following somewhat laughable: The Ten Things Every Man Needs. Numbers 2-6 and Number 10 I can agree with. The rest are simply silly and overconsumerist. I need not an espresso machine (I don't drink coffee, daggone it), and especially not shoes or jeans that cost more than my suit. But in the interest of the fair sex, I also present their list of Ten Things A Woman Must Have, which is less consumerist from the outset. I do, however laugh at their recommendation of an Eminem CD. Placed amongst all the other works one has, one CD will not be sufficient for a gentleman caller to know where your interests lie if all the rest of your CDs point in a particular direction. I don't know - perhaps the females on my friends-list could pass judgment on the object they describe. (At the very least, number 10 is essential, no matter which gender you are.)
I found this statement (actually,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
miyabiarashi had it, and might be mortified to know that I still read her publicly-available material), and found it interesting enough to replicate with the idea of discussing some of its finer points.
I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage. I had a friend who kept himself closeted through his high school, because the environment was not right. It took two years of college before he finally opened up to me. I would rather that he do it earlier, but if he sensed in me an immaturity of mind to handle it, then I'm glad he waited. If he was not confident in himself enough that he would be accepted, then situations like that must be remedied. Now.
I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare. Here, at university, that's a possibility. Here, at university, however, for as much as it claims the Liberal Tradition, there are the people who will glare. They have their right. We have our right to laugh at them.
We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away. This is not merely a matter of homosexuals who want to adopt, this is a matter of people of differing religious pursuits being hounded by a state that believes accusations and forces the accused to prove a negative under conditions and questions highly weighted against them. That a victory was achieved and the child could be kept is probably a respite rather than a true victory. They will try again, here and elsewhere.
We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash. Until someone decides it's worth a lynch mob to attack you. If you fend them off individually, sometimes they group up. Or they change to psychological warfare. People are vicious. We learned all about it in high school. Many people never progressed beyond it.
I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant -- and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants /don't/ raise a stink. From a different list, I pull an anecdote that someone from the local Catholic parish urged the Catholic persons in the town to boycott a restaurant because the owner placed a rainbow flag symbol on the door. I suspect what really happened was that his business doubled. By displaying that he was unafraid, he probably earned the respect and business of many people.
I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner. Friends are friends in my family. Admittedly, I'm not sure what my parents really think of some of my friends, especially the one that I've stayed very close to even after he came out. And any of the other ones who she might think of as being slightly on the delinquent side. But she trusts my judgment, and that is crucial. This mother does the same. For that, she deserves thanks.
I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag. This father teaches his son respect for all beings, whether or not they are his carbon copies. By doing so he ensures that his son learns that displaying one's prejudices openly is a quick way to get on everyone's bad side. If he doesn't learn to snuff them out, he will learn at the very least to keep them to the places where he cannot harm anyone with them. If he acts on them again, he will notice that they carry consequences. Only if he wishes to risk those consequences will he act again.
I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God. They do exist, you know. They're just following the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 6:5-7: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." We exhort them to come out and make a stand. They do, but they do it in the way that they act, and in the way that they live, rather than in something more eye-catching. They shall inherit the Kingdom of God.
I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing. Forgive me my faults as I confess them, but somehow, I can imagine this coming true much more likely in a European country than here. In Canada, I would expect a higher success rate of this statement. America seems to be unable to let go long enough to notice that they are humans first, homosexuals later. Perspective would help us greatly.
I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children. Effectively, I would hope, as well. It is quite difficult to pierce another's reality fragment with your own ideas. In some way, you must present them as being entertainable, if not palatable, or the conflict will continue. The process will likely take many small, quiet, unassuming steps before any progress is made. But be persistent - if you must shout, do so, wait until you are calm again, and resume as if you had not burst out. The infinite patience of the universe and your own reality will be tested. Persevere.
We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters. It is all that matters. Anyone trying to convince you otherwise is selling something. Even I try to sell myself as something else. I'm trying to make you believe I'm wise. It's your decision to accept me as such, or any of this as useful. Love is all that matters. Expand your definition and see what I mean.
If you agree, post ANYTHING in your journal. Or on your website, gallery, t-shirt, button, a sign in your front yard, ANYWHERE. Do it. You don't have to be afraid. You can handle it. You're stronger than you think. I am making a difference. Hate will NOT win. It is the first step, to say that you believe in something. The second step is to act on it. The third is to live your life in accordance with it. Whatever way you go, know that you are only acting on the things you believe in enough to live your life in accordance with. They can be changed, but it will take effort. Perhaps when I have changed myself, I will be able to see how I have changed. Then, perhaps, and at no other time, I will be able to give myself advice on how to change again.
Of course, it could all just be babble. That's the problem with being an insecure being in an insecure world - all your ideas are insecure, too. I guess I just have to trust that I'm not going to fubar it. My apologies for taking considerable space on your lists. Somehow, this doesn't feel proper to cut.
From the mind spring for the tendrils that build the fragments of our realities. What is in the mind may be original, it may be taught, it may be forced. But from the mind come the fragments. When two fragments interact, they either build a shared fragment on what both participants are willing to concede to the other, or they clash violently because neither side is willing to provide building blocks that the other will accept in his consensus reality. The violent interactions are self-destructive. Either both parties find some sort of consensus (domination of an idea is a consensus - the one conceding not only gives up the territory, but agrees that the other person's fragment is the accepted mode of interaction), or one party leaves the fragment, putting no farther effort into it, and it collapses. The one who remains is often mistaken into believing that he has achieved victory, when it is truer that his opponent found no value in keeping that interaction. Conflict only occurs when both people are interested in it.
I find the following somewhat laughable: The Ten Things Every Man Needs. Numbers 2-6 and Number 10 I can agree with. The rest are simply silly and overconsumerist. I need not an espresso machine (I don't drink coffee, daggone it), and especially not shoes or jeans that cost more than my suit. But in the interest of the fair sex, I also present their list of Ten Things A Woman Must Have, which is less consumerist from the outset. I do, however laugh at their recommendation of an Eminem CD. Placed amongst all the other works one has, one CD will not be sufficient for a gentleman caller to know where your interests lie if all the rest of your CDs point in a particular direction. I don't know - perhaps the females on my friends-list could pass judgment on the object they describe. (At the very least, number 10 is essential, no matter which gender you are.)
I found this statement (actually,
miyabiarashi had it, and might be mortified to know that I still read her publicly-available material), and found it interesting enough to replicate with the idea of discussing some of its finer points. I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage. I had a friend who kept himself closeted through his high school, because the environment was not right. It took two years of college before he finally opened up to me. I would rather that he do it earlier, but if he sensed in me an immaturity of mind to handle it, then I'm glad he waited. If he was not confident in himself enough that he would be accepted, then situations like that must be remedied. Now.
I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare. Here, at university, that's a possibility. Here, at university, however, for as much as it claims the Liberal Tradition, there are the people who will glare. They have their right. We have our right to laugh at them.
We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away. This is not merely a matter of homosexuals who want to adopt, this is a matter of people of differing religious pursuits being hounded by a state that believes accusations and forces the accused to prove a negative under conditions and questions highly weighted against them. That a victory was achieved and the child could be kept is probably a respite rather than a true victory. They will try again, here and elsewhere.
We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash. Until someone decides it's worth a lynch mob to attack you. If you fend them off individually, sometimes they group up. Or they change to psychological warfare. People are vicious. We learned all about it in high school. Many people never progressed beyond it.
I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant -- and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants /don't/ raise a stink. From a different list, I pull an anecdote that someone from the local Catholic parish urged the Catholic persons in the town to boycott a restaurant because the owner placed a rainbow flag symbol on the door. I suspect what really happened was that his business doubled. By displaying that he was unafraid, he probably earned the respect and business of many people.
I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner. Friends are friends in my family. Admittedly, I'm not sure what my parents really think of some of my friends, especially the one that I've stayed very close to even after he came out. And any of the other ones who she might think of as being slightly on the delinquent side. But she trusts my judgment, and that is crucial. This mother does the same. For that, she deserves thanks.
I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag. This father teaches his son respect for all beings, whether or not they are his carbon copies. By doing so he ensures that his son learns that displaying one's prejudices openly is a quick way to get on everyone's bad side. If he doesn't learn to snuff them out, he will learn at the very least to keep them to the places where he cannot harm anyone with them. If he acts on them again, he will notice that they carry consequences. Only if he wishes to risk those consequences will he act again.
I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God. They do exist, you know. They're just following the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 6:5-7: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." We exhort them to come out and make a stand. They do, but they do it in the way that they act, and in the way that they live, rather than in something more eye-catching. They shall inherit the Kingdom of God.
I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing. Forgive me my faults as I confess them, but somehow, I can imagine this coming true much more likely in a European country than here. In Canada, I would expect a higher success rate of this statement. America seems to be unable to let go long enough to notice that they are humans first, homosexuals later. Perspective would help us greatly.
I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children. Effectively, I would hope, as well. It is quite difficult to pierce another's reality fragment with your own ideas. In some way, you must present them as being entertainable, if not palatable, or the conflict will continue. The process will likely take many small, quiet, unassuming steps before any progress is made. But be persistent - if you must shout, do so, wait until you are calm again, and resume as if you had not burst out. The infinite patience of the universe and your own reality will be tested. Persevere.
We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters. It is all that matters. Anyone trying to convince you otherwise is selling something. Even I try to sell myself as something else. I'm trying to make you believe I'm wise. It's your decision to accept me as such, or any of this as useful. Love is all that matters. Expand your definition and see what I mean.
If you agree, post ANYTHING in your journal. Or on your website, gallery, t-shirt, button, a sign in your front yard, ANYWHERE. Do it. You don't have to be afraid. You can handle it. You're stronger than you think. I am making a difference. Hate will NOT win. It is the first step, to say that you believe in something. The second step is to act on it. The third is to live your life in accordance with it. Whatever way you go, know that you are only acting on the things you believe in enough to live your life in accordance with. They can be changed, but it will take effort. Perhaps when I have changed myself, I will be able to see how I have changed. Then, perhaps, and at no other time, I will be able to give myself advice on how to change again.
Of course, it could all just be babble. That's the problem with being an insecure being in an insecure world - all your ideas are insecure, too. I guess I just have to trust that I'm not going to fubar it. My apologies for taking considerable space on your lists. Somehow, this doesn't feel proper to cut.
