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- The privacy screens are there for your protection.
- Just because I know how to do something does not mean that I will tell you how it is done. Especially if such things involve copyright violations or you have a gross misunderstanding (not simply rectified) of how the Internet works.
- Our patience extends as far as your willingness to learn by yourself.
- Our patience also extends as far as your politeness and cheer. Fake it if you have to - we probably didn't do what made you upset.
- The temptation to abuse the on-line Summer Reading mechanisms should be curbed...because there are people watching behind them just in case...
- If it's a typo, on big paper, on the library...and it's not been taken down, check to see whether it's a joke.
- The privacy screens are for your protection.
- No, we do not take kindly to domestic abuse in the library.
- Our options are limited in getting someone mental health assistance - the police are probably our best option, and that sucks.
- We like positive feedback - we don't get nearly enough of it.
- Don't cut in line. You should have learned that by now. No, we don't care if it's "just" a small thing.
- Respect the closing times. The announcement is there to help you.
- The busy person at the desk helping someone is the wrong person to return your in-house item to, especially when there's someone right next to them that is available.
- The computers don't do things past the very basics.
- I will not be there all the time. You must at least try to learn on your own.
- The privacy screens are there for your protection.
- We do not have gremlins that steal your computer time. You can come up to us to ask about computer issues.
- Similarly, sending your grandchildren over to get me with "my grandma needs you" does not endear you to me.
- Search engine suggestions are aggregated from millions of searches, not because the computer is somehow spying on you and saving your personal data despite you not being logged in.
- Forserious, the correct way to summon help is to approach the staff desk and ask. Waving from your computer only ensures that you have a lesser chance of being noticed, and shouting from your computer lessens our chance of hearing you.
- New systems take time to learn. Stop giving me that animal-in-headlights look when you see that things have changed.
- We do notice when people print and don't pay. It's why we installed a system that forces you to pay if you want your stuff.
- For Prime's sake, stop stealing things from us.
- The privacy screens are there for your protection.
- Don't interrupt me when I'm clearly helping someone else. If you do, have the good grace to wait when I tell you that I will be with you in a bit. Seriously, this is grade school stuff.
- If you had to wait, getting shouty at me when I do help you is the fastest way to make me only help you for exactly the question you asked and no more. Or to get asked to leave, depending.
- Yes, I do need your password to make your reservations now. If that makes you uncomfortable, you can reserve on-line yourself now.
- I can only help you if you stop and listen after describing your problem to me. Barreling ahead will likely only reproduce the error - helpful for me, but not for you.
- Parents, we're not a public telephone service. If at all possible, please equip your children with a means of contacting you.
- The privacy screens are there for your protection, dammit. Use them.
1) If you think your child might produce biologically hazardous material such as vomit...stay home. Please. Stay home.
2) There is no such thing as "real books". Stories are stories, regardless of the way they are told. To prize print over graphics is to potentially kill interest in reading.
3) For my young users: Talk to me, and speak up, please. I'm looking at you for a reason - you know better than your parents or anyone else what qustion you really have.
4) Toddlers and babies are not things to be set down or left somewhere, even for a quick trip to the bathroom. Children are not to be left to their own devices without seupervision. For their safety and ours.
5) I will evaluate the request you make to me for the likelihood of being able to find information on it. The more esoteric the information, the more likely there will not be any books on it, nor any reputable articles that I will feel comfortable recommending.
6) Teachers: There is such a thing as too esoteric an assignment for the public library.
6b) Taxpayers: School libraries are important and necessary. FUND THEM. The public library will not be able to provide institutional support if you shortsightedly shortchange your school's funding.
7) I would really appreciate you taking me up on the offer of not wearing shoes and wearing pajamas (that you can wear in public) in story time. For both you, children, and you, adults. I do not say these things merely as self-justification for my own costuming choices.
8) When the fire alarm sounds, it is procedure to evacuate the building. Yes, even if there's no actual fire. Yes, even if you overheard the explanation for things going off. Your computer time is not that important. Get. Out.
9) Person: If i have told you three times that there's nothing checked out on your card, asking me when the movies you have from us are due is not going to change my answer. Bring them back so we can check them out properly and then you will have a due date.
10) At no point is it going to be socially acceptable for your children to run about into the fountain jets naked.
11) It is not funny, amusing, or cool to remove the labels indicating where the library and the parking garage exit is from the elevator.
12) The parking garage is not an indoor skate park, no matter how much it looks like one.
13) If you are going to give your child a telephone to carry about with them, you really should make sure that it works and can call you.
2) There is no such thing as "real books". Stories are stories, regardless of the way they are told. To prize print over graphics is to potentially kill interest in reading.
3) For my young users: Talk to me, and speak up, please. I'm looking at you for a reason - you know better than your parents or anyone else what qustion you really have.
4) Toddlers and babies are not things to be set down or left somewhere, even for a quick trip to the bathroom. Children are not to be left to their own devices without seupervision. For their safety and ours.
5) I will evaluate the request you make to me for the likelihood of being able to find information on it. The more esoteric the information, the more likely there will not be any books on it, nor any reputable articles that I will feel comfortable recommending.
6) Teachers: There is such a thing as too esoteric an assignment for the public library.
6b) Taxpayers: School libraries are important and necessary. FUND THEM. The public library will not be able to provide institutional support if you shortsightedly shortchange your school's funding.
7) I would really appreciate you taking me up on the offer of not wearing shoes and wearing pajamas (that you can wear in public) in story time. For both you, children, and you, adults. I do not say these things merely as self-justification for my own costuming choices.
8) When the fire alarm sounds, it is procedure to evacuate the building. Yes, even if there's no actual fire. Yes, even if you overheard the explanation for things going off. Your computer time is not that important. Get. Out.
9) Person: If i have told you three times that there's nothing checked out on your card, asking me when the movies you have from us are due is not going to change my answer. Bring them back so we can check them out properly and then you will have a due date.
10) At no point is it going to be socially acceptable for your children to run about into the fountain jets naked.
11) It is not funny, amusing, or cool to remove the labels indicating where the library and the parking garage exit is from the elevator.
12) The parking garage is not an indoor skate park, no matter how much it looks like one.
13) If you are going to give your child a telephone to carry about with them, you really should make sure that it works and can call you.
1) Read the damn signs. Listen to the warnings. Please. It saves us both time and effort.
2) "If you feel unsure about which of several books to choose, I suggest the following. Open the book and read a paragraph at random, out loud. The sound of it—the sounds the words make as they slide and bump into each other—should feel cadenced or harmonic or percussive or marvelously arrhythmic. The idea of swaying your hips as you read should not seem entirely far-fetched. If this fails to occur, put the book back on the shelf and continue your search. If salespeople or other customers stare at you, pay them no mind. It’s their problem, not yours." - Michael Cunningham, Better Homes and Gardens August 2009.
3) Stay with your kids. We have a computer in the kids area for just that purpose. Unless, for some reason, you take your children to the library and then decide you want to spend your time looking at NSFW material, which would normally be highly awkward upon having to explain such to people.
3b) Supervise. Your. Children. Play with them. Be there when they have questions. Because otherwise, they will ask me questions all the time, in a fairly loud voice, and with no real reagard for the possibility that I might be helping someone else and can't get to them right now.
3c) You are responsible for the content that your children see. There will be things there you think are inappropriate. It is up to you to filter or have those discussions with your child about appropriate material. We don't do that, nor do we have any inkling of an intent to do so. At least, those of us who intend on keeping our jobs don't.
4) Stealing from the library is lame. Not only do you inconvenience everyone else around you, and make whatever pitiful pittance you get by reselling the stuff elsewhere, but you're making it harder for us to be seen as responsible stewards of tax dollars. The ones that you pay for library services, moron.
5) Teeangers have every right to be here at the library. If you are intimidated by their presence at the library, perhaps you should take a really good look at your own prejudices. We're often pretty proud to have teens here, choosing us as a "hangout" spot. If you can't deal with that, instead of asking us to move them without giving us any cause on why, kindly go sod off or come back some other time when your delicate world won't be crushed by the presence of teenagers.
5b) The obverse, however, is that if you're misbehaving (especially repeatedly), oh teenagers who we stick our necks out for, you're going to find out how fast we go from defenders of your presence to people kicking you out.
6) To garner the attention of someone to help you, waving and or shouting, while possibly effective, earns you severely negative goodwill. Get your ass out of your chair and make an effort to flag one of us down by coming up to us.
7) Other people are taking advantage of our new booking system to obtain computers. It is not my problem that you are trying to get lucky and find a computer that is not being booked. You should not complain if someone happens to use the system after you arrived and take the computer that you were just about to log into. After the first time, the lightbulb should have come on. That it took you a second time may indicated there was a short in your system.
7b) Speaking of computer usage, there are no tiers of importance, really, other than we ask people to give preference to job seekers on the 2hr machines. Regardless of your perception of whether or not the teenagers are "playing games" in the face of your job search, we are not going to kick them off if they're logged in. We will, however, encourage you to reserve a computer for yourself so you can go for that, or, if it is a swift measure, to utilize our 15 or 30 minute machines.
8) Forserious, people. Other people have noses that work well. Thus, regardless as to whether your favorite odor is eau de cologne or air of tobacco, if I can smell it across the desk, it's probably on too thick. If I am still smelling it as you are moving away, at say, two meters, it's definitely on too thick. This is doubly dangerous if you're a co-worker, because it usually means unavoidable proximity.
9) To be a busybody at the library is just as bad as to be a busybody elsewhere. I can't say that I don't care if someone else is using someone else's time, but your repeated insistence that I make him log off and log back on makes me more likely to tell you to mind your own business.
10) I don't read minds. Stare as much as you like, but I'm not going to know what you want until you say something. (Even when I can make a really accurate guess by your context.) Again, come over to see me with your questions.
10b) As much as is possible, give me complete and accurate information. I would prefer the accurate over the complete, however, so when in doubt, omit and wait for me to ask.
11) Giving information to someone about the taxing structure of our library district is no less important that the school assignment you seem very flustered about. You'll get no sympathy from me about its unimportance, despite your insistence.
11b) Speaking of, by butting in to ask your question that you seem very frustrated with, when you say "I don't mean to be rude", it is already too late.
12) Do not wait until the last two minutes of your computer session to get help with your problem. (Unless, of course, the problem appears in the last two minutes of your session. That's unavoidable.) This makes the librarians very cranky.
12b) Furthermore, I Am Not The Tech Guy. I live by the xkcd flowchart and accumulated years of breaking things and figuring out how to fix them.
13) One level removed from users: Teachers - it is ill-advised to make assignments so specific or exacting such that when someone comes to me for help, I can provide them with perhaps one resource, and even then, the person is unsure you will take it.
2) "If you feel unsure about which of several books to choose, I suggest the following. Open the book and read a paragraph at random, out loud. The sound of it—the sounds the words make as they slide and bump into each other—should feel cadenced or harmonic or percussive or marvelously arrhythmic. The idea of swaying your hips as you read should not seem entirely far-fetched. If this fails to occur, put the book back on the shelf and continue your search. If salespeople or other customers stare at you, pay them no mind. It’s their problem, not yours." - Michael Cunningham, Better Homes and Gardens August 2009.
3) Stay with your kids. We have a computer in the kids area for just that purpose. Unless, for some reason, you take your children to the library and then decide you want to spend your time looking at NSFW material, which would normally be highly awkward upon having to explain such to people.
3b) Supervise. Your. Children. Play with them. Be there when they have questions. Because otherwise, they will ask me questions all the time, in a fairly loud voice, and with no real reagard for the possibility that I might be helping someone else and can't get to them right now.
3c) You are responsible for the content that your children see. There will be things there you think are inappropriate. It is up to you to filter or have those discussions with your child about appropriate material. We don't do that, nor do we have any inkling of an intent to do so. At least, those of us who intend on keeping our jobs don't.
4) Stealing from the library is lame. Not only do you inconvenience everyone else around you, and make whatever pitiful pittance you get by reselling the stuff elsewhere, but you're making it harder for us to be seen as responsible stewards of tax dollars. The ones that you pay for library services, moron.
5) Teeangers have every right to be here at the library. If you are intimidated by their presence at the library, perhaps you should take a really good look at your own prejudices. We're often pretty proud to have teens here, choosing us as a "hangout" spot. If you can't deal with that, instead of asking us to move them without giving us any cause on why, kindly go sod off or come back some other time when your delicate world won't be crushed by the presence of teenagers.
5b) The obverse, however, is that if you're misbehaving (especially repeatedly), oh teenagers who we stick our necks out for, you're going to find out how fast we go from defenders of your presence to people kicking you out.
6) To garner the attention of someone to help you, waving and or shouting, while possibly effective, earns you severely negative goodwill. Get your ass out of your chair and make an effort to flag one of us down by coming up to us.
7) Other people are taking advantage of our new booking system to obtain computers. It is not my problem that you are trying to get lucky and find a computer that is not being booked. You should not complain if someone happens to use the system after you arrived and take the computer that you were just about to log into. After the first time, the lightbulb should have come on. That it took you a second time may indicated there was a short in your system.
7b) Speaking of computer usage, there are no tiers of importance, really, other than we ask people to give preference to job seekers on the 2hr machines. Regardless of your perception of whether or not the teenagers are "playing games" in the face of your job search, we are not going to kick them off if they're logged in. We will, however, encourage you to reserve a computer for yourself so you can go for that, or, if it is a swift measure, to utilize our 15 or 30 minute machines.
8) Forserious, people. Other people have noses that work well. Thus, regardless as to whether your favorite odor is eau de cologne or air of tobacco, if I can smell it across the desk, it's probably on too thick. If I am still smelling it as you are moving away, at say, two meters, it's definitely on too thick. This is doubly dangerous if you're a co-worker, because it usually means unavoidable proximity.
9) To be a busybody at the library is just as bad as to be a busybody elsewhere. I can't say that I don't care if someone else is using someone else's time, but your repeated insistence that I make him log off and log back on makes me more likely to tell you to mind your own business.
10) I don't read minds. Stare as much as you like, but I'm not going to know what you want until you say something. (Even when I can make a really accurate guess by your context.) Again, come over to see me with your questions.
10b) As much as is possible, give me complete and accurate information. I would prefer the accurate over the complete, however, so when in doubt, omit and wait for me to ask.
11) Giving information to someone about the taxing structure of our library district is no less important that the school assignment you seem very flustered about. You'll get no sympathy from me about its unimportance, despite your insistence.
11b) Speaking of, by butting in to ask your question that you seem very frustrated with, when you say "I don't mean to be rude", it is already too late.
12) Do not wait until the last two minutes of your computer session to get help with your problem. (Unless, of course, the problem appears in the last two minutes of your session. That's unavoidable.) This makes the librarians very cranky.
12b) Furthermore, I Am Not The Tech Guy. I live by the xkcd flowchart and accumulated years of breaking things and figuring out how to fix them.
13) One level removed from users: Teachers - it is ill-advised to make assignments so specific or exacting such that when someone comes to me for help, I can provide them with perhaps one resource, and even then, the person is unsure you will take it.
Of course, you can't have one without the other - there are always things that we would love library users to pick up on...
1) If your pants do not fit your waist, you have two options. Get smaller pants, or buy a belt and use it. Showing us your briefs (grey, white) or your buttcrack are not acceptable.
2) Recessions suck. That said, if you think that you're doing yourselves a favor by voting down levies and millages and bonds because you don't want to pay the taxes on them, think again. Or at least don't complain when you find out that the schools are suffering because their capital has been curtailed by uncomfortable and evil cuts in the budget, or that the library suddenly isn't as open or as material-filled as it was before.
3) For us, recessions only kinda suck, actually. We're actually rather intrigued at how much our usage spikes in bad economic times. Yes, this means you will have to wait for holds.
4) It's not really that much more of a problem to order something through ILL. It will take longer to get here, that's for sure. It also makes me feel a bit sad when I've found what might be just the thing for you in ILL, only for you to tell me that it's too much of a burden and not to bother with it. All that superb librarian power...goes to waste.
5) You do not call at the circulation clerk, the reference desk, or the youth services desk from your computer terminal to have him/her fix a problem with your computers. You go over to someone and explain it and bring them back with you.
6) If I can hear the bass line of whatever piece it is you are playing in your vehicle, through the windows, doors, and walls of both your car and my building, and it threatens to drown out a conversation (or the kids in the children's area), you're playing it too loud.
7) The loss of your internet terminal does not imply that you can lose your common courtesy and decency. Nor does it mean you can close your ears and not listen to what I am saying.
8) Teenagers, if treated like normal people instead of pariahs, will behave like normal people. If you are intimidated by them, their tobacco usage, and their occasional use of coarse language, don't hide behind your child as the reason you complain to me. Own up that you're afraid of them, you think they're behaving degenerately, and you want me to make them go away.
8b) That said, lot of ill-behaved vandals, if you live up to the stereotype, you're not going to garner any sympathy from us... or the police when we sic them on you for your vandalism.
9) Thank you for not annotating the book directly with pen or other nonremovable methods and materials. However, please remember to remove your annotations after you are finished with the book and are returning it to us.
10) The sign clearly says that we open at 10. Why, then, are you waiting outside out door at 9? You're not even leeching the WiFi. That there are more than one of you waiting is also unnerving.
1) If your pants do not fit your waist, you have two options. Get smaller pants, or buy a belt and use it. Showing us your briefs (grey, white) or your buttcrack are not acceptable.
2) Recessions suck. That said, if you think that you're doing yourselves a favor by voting down levies and millages and bonds because you don't want to pay the taxes on them, think again. Or at least don't complain when you find out that the schools are suffering because their capital has been curtailed by uncomfortable and evil cuts in the budget, or that the library suddenly isn't as open or as material-filled as it was before.
3) For us, recessions only kinda suck, actually. We're actually rather intrigued at how much our usage spikes in bad economic times. Yes, this means you will have to wait for holds.
4) It's not really that much more of a problem to order something through ILL. It will take longer to get here, that's for sure. It also makes me feel a bit sad when I've found what might be just the thing for you in ILL, only for you to tell me that it's too much of a burden and not to bother with it. All that superb librarian power...goes to waste.
5) You do not call at the circulation clerk, the reference desk, or the youth services desk from your computer terminal to have him/her fix a problem with your computers. You go over to someone and explain it and bring them back with you.
6) If I can hear the bass line of whatever piece it is you are playing in your vehicle, through the windows, doors, and walls of both your car and my building, and it threatens to drown out a conversation (or the kids in the children's area), you're playing it too loud.
7) The loss of your internet terminal does not imply that you can lose your common courtesy and decency. Nor does it mean you can close your ears and not listen to what I am saying.
8) Teenagers, if treated like normal people instead of pariahs, will behave like normal people. If you are intimidated by them, their tobacco usage, and their occasional use of coarse language, don't hide behind your child as the reason you complain to me. Own up that you're afraid of them, you think they're behaving degenerately, and you want me to make them go away.
8b) That said, lot of ill-behaved vandals, if you live up to the stereotype, you're not going to garner any sympathy from us... or the police when we sic them on you for your vandalism.
9) Thank you for not annotating the book directly with pen or other nonremovable methods and materials. However, please remember to remove your annotations after you are finished with the book and are returning it to us.
10) The sign clearly says that we open at 10. Why, then, are you waiting outside out door at 9? You're not even leeching the WiFi. That there are more than one of you waiting is also unnerving.
Stuff for library users to learn, v. 3
Jan. 7th, 2009 11:48 pmRemember, most of you are good people who do not annoy the library staff. Here are some helpful tips on keeping that status... although I’ve noticed that it’s the people who aren’t aware that what they’re doing is royally pissing off the library staff that tend to do it best.
1a) The library is changing. We are doing our best to ensure that all of our populaces have a niche that they can be happy in, but a side effect of being a public building is that all members of the public are welcome to join in. In high-traffic areas like computers, this means you may be forced to encounter age groups you personally find detestable, possibly making more noise than you are comfortable with, and maybe even doing harmless things to each other or around that annoy you. There are two proper responses to this:
i) Suck it up and deal with it.
ii) Politely ask a staffer to see what they can do about the situation.
1b) Telling a staff member that they are incompetent and shouldn’t be employed because they don’t read your mind and stop someone from doing something harmless that doesn’t appear to be directly affecting anyone is a sure way to make a staff member’s day. Most of us will shrug it off. The rest of us will blog about it. In either case, on what authority do you tell a staff member how to do their job?
1c) Talking to the offenders directly can work, too. But don’t expect them to be any more of mind readers about some sort of “quiet” need than I am. If you want success, do it in a rational manner. If you blow up at them, they might respect you, or they might see it as a challenge to annoy you further. If you decide to take matters into your own hands, don’t be surprised if the librarian tells you you’re out of line while also telling them to tone it down.
1d) For said offenders: If a librarian gets involved, you’re being too loud. If you ask the librarian to move somewhere where you can be a little louder, we still expect you to behave civilly. Don’t make me come in there. And especially don’t make me come back because you exceeded the bounds of good taste. It makes me less likely to grant you the request to move in the first place.
2) Saying “You’re a big girl/boy, we don’t read baby books anymore” is totally missing the point. To encourage reading, read what they want to read. Imposing arbitrary age and gradedness on someone’s pleasurable reading just doesn’t work. Even if he wants to hear “Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie” for the five hundredth time, read it to him (or let him read it). Don’t stifle the reading love, please!
2b) The persons responsible for Accelerated Reader and other ways of packaging someone’s reading skills into numerical and quantifiable “levels” or “points” will be hung by their toes, attached to an unnecessarily slow-moving mechanism, and subjected to the closest thing we humans have to carbonite freezing.
2c) The library is not just a place to look at books. I’m not even sure that’s our primary function any more, with as often as the Internet terminals are in use.
3) Honk and die. Come into the library to retrieve your children.
4) We are not an answering machine service, nor do we have to keep track of anyone. If you are that concerned about the whereabouts of your child, tether him or her with a cell phone or other sort of leash, please.
4b) On that point, we do not act in loco parentis. So, if you want your child not to check certain materials out, or not to attend programs, or to only make it so they can watch Barney forever and ever until the end of time, you’ll have to accompany your child to the library every single time.
5) When making a complaint to me, don’t hedge. If you say, “The depictions of X in this book are Y, but I’m not really an anti-Y person” or “but I have these other progressive ideas over here”, you’re not helping me figure out what you think is wrong with the book.
6) Teenagers are occasionally rowdy and coarse. Comes with the territory. We’re really doing our best to make sure that we’re not totally stifling them and riding their asses to the point where they can’t sneeze without a handkerchief and a shush appearing (which is what some of you users want), and not letting them run amok and turn the place into their persona living rooms (which is what they would like).
7) Once is a warning. Twice is a command. Don’t make me say it a third time.
8) I am not a bludgeon to be used indiscriminately! I will answer your questions nicely, politely, and to the best of my ability, but I assure you, that does not mean that I have somehow sided with you against your child in any sort of way.
1a) The library is changing. We are doing our best to ensure that all of our populaces have a niche that they can be happy in, but a side effect of being a public building is that all members of the public are welcome to join in. In high-traffic areas like computers, this means you may be forced to encounter age groups you personally find detestable, possibly making more noise than you are comfortable with, and maybe even doing harmless things to each other or around that annoy you. There are two proper responses to this:
i) Suck it up and deal with it.
ii) Politely ask a staffer to see what they can do about the situation.
1b) Telling a staff member that they are incompetent and shouldn’t be employed because they don’t read your mind and stop someone from doing something harmless that doesn’t appear to be directly affecting anyone is a sure way to make a staff member’s day. Most of us will shrug it off. The rest of us will blog about it. In either case, on what authority do you tell a staff member how to do their job?
1c) Talking to the offenders directly can work, too. But don’t expect them to be any more of mind readers about some sort of “quiet” need than I am. If you want success, do it in a rational manner. If you blow up at them, they might respect you, or they might see it as a challenge to annoy you further. If you decide to take matters into your own hands, don’t be surprised if the librarian tells you you’re out of line while also telling them to tone it down.
1d) For said offenders: If a librarian gets involved, you’re being too loud. If you ask the librarian to move somewhere where you can be a little louder, we still expect you to behave civilly. Don’t make me come in there. And especially don’t make me come back because you exceeded the bounds of good taste. It makes me less likely to grant you the request to move in the first place.
2) Saying “You’re a big girl/boy, we don’t read baby books anymore” is totally missing the point. To encourage reading, read what they want to read. Imposing arbitrary age and gradedness on someone’s pleasurable reading just doesn’t work. Even if he wants to hear “Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie” for the five hundredth time, read it to him (or let him read it). Don’t stifle the reading love, please!
2b) The persons responsible for Accelerated Reader and other ways of packaging someone’s reading skills into numerical and quantifiable “levels” or “points” will be hung by their toes, attached to an unnecessarily slow-moving mechanism, and subjected to the closest thing we humans have to carbonite freezing.
2c) The library is not just a place to look at books. I’m not even sure that’s our primary function any more, with as often as the Internet terminals are in use.
3) Honk and die. Come into the library to retrieve your children.
4) We are not an answering machine service, nor do we have to keep track of anyone. If you are that concerned about the whereabouts of your child, tether him or her with a cell phone or other sort of leash, please.
4b) On that point, we do not act in loco parentis. So, if you want your child not to check certain materials out, or not to attend programs, or to only make it so they can watch Barney forever and ever until the end of time, you’ll have to accompany your child to the library every single time.
5) When making a complaint to me, don’t hedge. If you say, “The depictions of X in this book are Y, but I’m not really an anti-Y person” or “but I have these other progressive ideas over here”, you’re not helping me figure out what you think is wrong with the book.
6) Teenagers are occasionally rowdy and coarse. Comes with the territory. We’re really doing our best to make sure that we’re not totally stifling them and riding their asses to the point where they can’t sneeze without a handkerchief and a shush appearing (which is what some of you users want), and not letting them run amok and turn the place into their persona living rooms (which is what they would like).
7) Once is a warning. Twice is a command. Don’t make me say it a third time.
8) I am not a bludgeon to be used indiscriminately! I will answer your questions nicely, politely, and to the best of my ability, but I assure you, that does not mean that I have somehow sided with you against your child in any sort of way.
I've been sitting on this one for a while, which is good - most of the people here are courteous, kind, and considerate of their fellows and the staff here. So here's another short list of tips for library users, based on some of the more interesting things that have been done here.
More Tips for Library Users, compiled over the course of some amount of time while I have been working here:
1) We Have Something For You. Regardless of what it is you want to read, we have it or we can get it.
1b) We Can Answer Your Question. I have all the answers - some just take longer to find, may require collaboration across staff members, disciplines, and/or academics, or have not yet resolved definitively.
2) Parents: Your children will read what they want to read. My advice is that if you have concerns about issues raised in those readings, that you talk things out with your children about them and listen to what they have to say. The less of a forbidden fruit you make certain subjects, the less likely it is that your teens will be sneaking behind your back to find out about them.
3) For the Flying Spaghetti Monster's sake, if you are sick, really sick, please stay home. I really don't want to have to listen to you sniffle and cough and sneeze while you sit at one of the tables near me. It makes me fear that I'm going to get sick. And a sick librarian is not what you want. Sick librarians are cranky.
4) "This Is A Library" is a meaningless phrase when applied to the noise level around you. The library is a social place, and so the ambient noise level from users and staff may be more than you like. We do have a quiet area if you must have silence. We're sorry that it doesn't have tables to do work on at the moment at this branch, but we're currently in a limited space. If and when the new building is built, the problem should resolve.
4b) Librarians, like other people, get excited when discussing things - and some librarians happen to be able to project more in their normal voices. Nowhere in that statement are you given the right to approach the librarian(s) and talk to them like they were rowdy children in need of discipline.
5) Please, exercise caution with regard to your belongings in the library. We cannot vouch for the intentions, motives, or inclinations of anyone other than library staff.
6) As a municipal/state government employee, working somewhere that has adopted several of the American Library Association's statements on intellectual freedom, I believe in a particular interpretation of the First Amendment - thus, no matter how many times you say it, I am unlikely to agree with any statement where you say that Jews are lacking because they are not Christians. I will help you find pictures for your booklet. (Further hilarity - on the date this particular paragraph was written, the featured article for Wikipedia was "Religious Debates over Harry Potter". Complete with a page out of a Chick Tract.)
6b) As a colleague notes, this also applies to statements that one minority group is inferior to the majority or to another minority.
7) Honking your horn outside your destination as a way of telling someone that you are here is in poor taste. If it were done outside a private residence, you've only offended a couple people. Outside the library, you've probably offended a lot more people.
7b) Continuing to honk your horn afterward because the person you were seeking did not immediately appear at the door is in poorer taste. I assure you, we heard you the first time.
8) Once again, garbage in, garbage out. I'll do my best to find something interesting for you to read/write your report on, but if you don't tell me what you like or who you're interested in, only a page requirement, I'm going to probably give you a lot of books you don't like before I find one you do.
9) The statement "We did not come to the library so you could play games" is a little saddening. Because, in a few years, that may be exactly what they're doing. The library is flexible and multifaceted.
10) That said, please do not attempt to circumvent the library's rules and policies on Internet access. For one, if minors get access to unfiltered computing, it is violation of CIPA. Even if we think that CIPA is third only to the PATRIOT Act and Standardized Testing as the Worst. Thing. Ever., we still have to abide by it. For another, using someone else's library card to extend your own access past the one hour you get for your own violates the spirit of access, really. While there may not be explicit policy in place, it's not something that should be encouraged.
11) We're just as frustrated as you are that the new building is taking so long to build. Perhaps even more so, because the new building will probably solve a lot of the problems we're experiencing at this location.
More Tips for Library Users, compiled over the course of some amount of time while I have been working here:
1) We Have Something For You. Regardless of what it is you want to read, we have it or we can get it.
1b) We Can Answer Your Question. I have all the answers - some just take longer to find, may require collaboration across staff members, disciplines, and/or academics, or have not yet resolved definitively.
2) Parents: Your children will read what they want to read. My advice is that if you have concerns about issues raised in those readings, that you talk things out with your children about them and listen to what they have to say. The less of a forbidden fruit you make certain subjects, the less likely it is that your teens will be sneaking behind your back to find out about them.
3) For the Flying Spaghetti Monster's sake, if you are sick, really sick, please stay home. I really don't want to have to listen to you sniffle and cough and sneeze while you sit at one of the tables near me. It makes me fear that I'm going to get sick. And a sick librarian is not what you want. Sick librarians are cranky.
4) "This Is A Library" is a meaningless phrase when applied to the noise level around you. The library is a social place, and so the ambient noise level from users and staff may be more than you like. We do have a quiet area if you must have silence. We're sorry that it doesn't have tables to do work on at the moment at this branch, but we're currently in a limited space. If and when the new building is built, the problem should resolve.
4b) Librarians, like other people, get excited when discussing things - and some librarians happen to be able to project more in their normal voices. Nowhere in that statement are you given the right to approach the librarian(s) and talk to them like they were rowdy children in need of discipline.
5) Please, exercise caution with regard to your belongings in the library. We cannot vouch for the intentions, motives, or inclinations of anyone other than library staff.
6) As a municipal/state government employee, working somewhere that has adopted several of the American Library Association's statements on intellectual freedom, I believe in a particular interpretation of the First Amendment - thus, no matter how many times you say it, I am unlikely to agree with any statement where you say that Jews are lacking because they are not Christians. I will help you find pictures for your booklet. (Further hilarity - on the date this particular paragraph was written, the featured article for Wikipedia was "Religious Debates over Harry Potter". Complete with a page out of a Chick Tract.)
6b) As a colleague notes, this also applies to statements that one minority group is inferior to the majority or to another minority.
7) Honking your horn outside your destination as a way of telling someone that you are here is in poor taste. If it were done outside a private residence, you've only offended a couple people. Outside the library, you've probably offended a lot more people.
7b) Continuing to honk your horn afterward because the person you were seeking did not immediately appear at the door is in poorer taste. I assure you, we heard you the first time.
8) Once again, garbage in, garbage out. I'll do my best to find something interesting for you to read/write your report on, but if you don't tell me what you like or who you're interested in, only a page requirement, I'm going to probably give you a lot of books you don't like before I find one you do.
9) The statement "We did not come to the library so you could play games" is a little saddening. Because, in a few years, that may be exactly what they're doing. The library is flexible and multifaceted.
10) That said, please do not attempt to circumvent the library's rules and policies on Internet access. For one, if minors get access to unfiltered computing, it is violation of CIPA. Even if we think that CIPA is third only to the PATRIOT Act and Standardized Testing as the Worst. Thing. Ever., we still have to abide by it. For another, using someone else's library card to extend your own access past the one hour you get for your own violates the spirit of access, really. While there may not be explicit policy in place, it's not something that should be encouraged.
11) We're just as frustrated as you are that the new building is taking so long to build. Perhaps even more so, because the new building will probably solve a lot of the problems we're experiencing at this location.
While I am always learning on my job, there are times where I would like to tell my users something, as a whole, because knowing and remembering these things makes my job easier. Many of these are based on some librarian’s experience, but details or entire accounts may have been made up out of whole cloth.
Things I would like to communicate to my users:
1) Interrupt me. Ask me for help first, rather than wandering around confused. I am being paid to provide assistance in your questions, no matter how simple, complex, or stupid they sound to you. If I look like I am doing something else, interrupt me anyway. Most likely, it’s not something that has to be done right this second.
2) My miracle-working ability gets better the more information that you provide to me. That said, I am much like the computer you will see me use - garbage in, garbage out.
2b) Please do not assume that I will pass any sort of judgment on your request. I assure you, I will not pass on to your preacher, parents, youth league, friends, or anyone else that you are curious about the beliefs and practices of other religions, nor will I pass on to the government any requests for the Anarchist’s Cookbook. (There is the exception where a lawfully signed court order may be used to access your records. If you keep no records, however, then they cannot access them.) If you only give me surface-level information and prevent me from trying to find the root cause, I can only give you a surface-level answer, which may not be what you really wanted to know.
3) Please assume that the computers designed for Internet access were bought from Bargain Jim’s Basement O’ Obsolete Parts. Attempting complex operations requiring Flash and/or Java may result in failure or your computer freezing. We’re working on the problem where only half the memory sticks will work on the computers.
4) Please do not attempt to circumvent the rules on Internet time. I realize that one hour per day is woefully insufficient for anyone to complete anything more than the most basic of tasks, and that we do not have nearly enough computers to fulfill your needs and requests, but that has been determined to be the best fit to ensure that everyone has access during the time the library is open. If you start using the catalog computers as general-access Internet computers with no time limits, or use other means such as another barcode number to gain additional time, we will notice. We will probably warn you about it once, and then start taking heads if it continues. If we feel charitable, all we might do is lock out all the alternate means that you have for circumventing our policy. Realize that my enforcement of policy may not coincide with my beliefs about whether that policy is a good idea.
5) If the sign says “Quiet Zone”, obey. You can read and converse elsewhere, just not there. Obey! Obey!
5b) “Ambient noise level” is determined solely by the librarians, but a good rule of thumb is that if you’re louder than everyone else in the library, you’re over the ambient noise level.
6) Your responsibilities regarding the conduct of your children/siblings/grandchildren/charges are not abdicated upon your sitting down to an Internet terminal, or your sitting them down to an Internet terminal. If things get out of hand, you are permitted and encouraged to pause your session, remove yourself to enforce parenting discipline, and then return to your station. If you must do this multiple times, that is acceptable. Since we are not a licensed day-care facility, we do not have the training, nor the resources, nor are we paid enough by any stretch of the imagination to baby-sit or entertain your children outside the course of our normal programming. As such, we will refer all unruly children back to you and expect you to do something about it to our satisfaction. If you are wearing headphones or otherwise showing an obvious disregard for your children, that will not endear you in our eyes.
6b) I prefer to treat library users as sentient, competent, and otherwise intelligent beings, assuming they have reached the age where this is possible. Thus, I will do weird things like ask a three year-old child if they can be quieter in their play, because I feel they can understand the question and then, hopefully, respond to it in the affirmative. Please, dear parent, resist the urge to snap at me, tell me that your child does not understand the conception of “quiet”, and say that I have no standing in which to ask for quieter play. I assure you, from the audience that I have for my story-time presentations, and from your own involvement later on, that the conception of “quiet” can be harnessed by three year-old boys when their parents are paying attention to them.
7) I should never have to warn you or comment on something unacceptable more than once. Failing that, I should never have to threaten you with consequences more than once for the same behavior. If you attract my attention on three separate occasions for the same thing, there will likely be Consequences. Do not make me come over there, or use my serious voice. You Will Not Like It.
8) Librarians and children both have excellent hearing. Anything you say around either of them will probably be heard, even if neither of them makes any move to acknowledge or dispute the veracity of your statement.
That’s my short list of things to communicate. Luckily, the more consistent offenses usually reside in problems with lower number, which is a plea from me to make me earn my salary, than problems with high number that tend to start ugly and get worse as time goes by.
Things I would like to communicate to my users:
1) Interrupt me. Ask me for help first, rather than wandering around confused. I am being paid to provide assistance in your questions, no matter how simple, complex, or stupid they sound to you. If I look like I am doing something else, interrupt me anyway. Most likely, it’s not something that has to be done right this second.
2) My miracle-working ability gets better the more information that you provide to me. That said, I am much like the computer you will see me use - garbage in, garbage out.
2b) Please do not assume that I will pass any sort of judgment on your request. I assure you, I will not pass on to your preacher, parents, youth league, friends, or anyone else that you are curious about the beliefs and practices of other religions, nor will I pass on to the government any requests for the Anarchist’s Cookbook. (There is the exception where a lawfully signed court order may be used to access your records. If you keep no records, however, then they cannot access them.) If you only give me surface-level information and prevent me from trying to find the root cause, I can only give you a surface-level answer, which may not be what you really wanted to know.
3) Please assume that the computers designed for Internet access were bought from Bargain Jim’s Basement O’ Obsolete Parts. Attempting complex operations requiring Flash and/or Java may result in failure or your computer freezing. We’re working on the problem where only half the memory sticks will work on the computers.
4) Please do not attempt to circumvent the rules on Internet time. I realize that one hour per day is woefully insufficient for anyone to complete anything more than the most basic of tasks, and that we do not have nearly enough computers to fulfill your needs and requests, but that has been determined to be the best fit to ensure that everyone has access during the time the library is open. If you start using the catalog computers as general-access Internet computers with no time limits, or use other means such as another barcode number to gain additional time, we will notice. We will probably warn you about it once, and then start taking heads if it continues. If we feel charitable, all we might do is lock out all the alternate means that you have for circumventing our policy. Realize that my enforcement of policy may not coincide with my beliefs about whether that policy is a good idea.
5) If the sign says “Quiet Zone”, obey. You can read and converse elsewhere, just not there. Obey! Obey!
5b) “Ambient noise level” is determined solely by the librarians, but a good rule of thumb is that if you’re louder than everyone else in the library, you’re over the ambient noise level.
6) Your responsibilities regarding the conduct of your children/siblings/grandchildren/charges are not abdicated upon your sitting down to an Internet terminal, or your sitting them down to an Internet terminal. If things get out of hand, you are permitted and encouraged to pause your session, remove yourself to enforce parenting discipline, and then return to your station. If you must do this multiple times, that is acceptable. Since we are not a licensed day-care facility, we do not have the training, nor the resources, nor are we paid enough by any stretch of the imagination to baby-sit or entertain your children outside the course of our normal programming. As such, we will refer all unruly children back to you and expect you to do something about it to our satisfaction. If you are wearing headphones or otherwise showing an obvious disregard for your children, that will not endear you in our eyes.
6b) I prefer to treat library users as sentient, competent, and otherwise intelligent beings, assuming they have reached the age where this is possible. Thus, I will do weird things like ask a three year-old child if they can be quieter in their play, because I feel they can understand the question and then, hopefully, respond to it in the affirmative. Please, dear parent, resist the urge to snap at me, tell me that your child does not understand the conception of “quiet”, and say that I have no standing in which to ask for quieter play. I assure you, from the audience that I have for my story-time presentations, and from your own involvement later on, that the conception of “quiet” can be harnessed by three year-old boys when their parents are paying attention to them.
7) I should never have to warn you or comment on something unacceptable more than once. Failing that, I should never have to threaten you with consequences more than once for the same behavior. If you attract my attention on three separate occasions for the same thing, there will likely be Consequences. Do not make me come over there, or use my serious voice. You Will Not Like It.
8) Librarians and children both have excellent hearing. Anything you say around either of them will probably be heard, even if neither of them makes any move to acknowledge or dispute the veracity of your statement.
That’s my short list of things to communicate. Luckily, the more consistent offenses usually reside in problems with lower number, which is a plea from me to make me earn my salary, than problems with high number that tend to start ugly and get worse as time goes by.
