Sense, Nonsense, and Not-Sense

Have I mentioned recently that working in public service is weird? Or, at the least, working in the public library is weird?

For example, some of the more tame weird involves people using the men's room as a quiet place to drink a beer...or more. Or to get off to porn on their iProduct. And there may have been some sort of drug trafficking going in, to, for a while. Thankfully, it's not the library where people were using their bathrooms as meet-up points for sex on Craigslist.

Someone also used the urinal in the room as a political platform, with various anti-Obama YouTube links on paper stuck to the inner part of the urinal.

And there's also the mysterious puddle if water that sporadically appears in front of said urinal. The urinal has been replaced, and yet the problem persists. I'd claim it was someone intentionally misaiming, but it doesn't look like that.

Actually in the building, there are the thieves and vandals, as well as the occasional almost-fights and the thankfully only-once where someone claimed another person exposed themselves just outside the building. There are the grumpy people that won't hesitate to tell you to be quiet because they can't concentrate with you speaking in a normal voice to the person that needs computer help sitting catty-corner to them. And the people who just can't stand that libraries are changed so much that we allow teenagers to be there and to make a certain amount of noise, as well. (Nothing excessive, of course.)

There are the fire alarms, six in all for this year alone, that preclude rational thought when they go off. And the people who refuse to leave their Internet terminals when they do go off, because their online time is apparently more important than potential harm or death.

By far the weirdest things, though, are the support and help I give. Not your average person interested in various conspiracies or how to improve their sex lives, but the person you have to walk through how to use their scanner to scan things into a Word document (40 minutes and the knowledge that I would hate doing tech support as a job - too many possible Fist of Death moments due to PEBKAC errors), or teaching the public school teacher how to do the assignments they will be grading, as well as the courseware they're putting the assignments on.

What takes the cake, though, is the person who wants to learn how to input code in comments and on webpages...for the purpose of spamming them with get-rich-quick schemes and junk. I figure I can help him learn the basics of doing things, because that's virtuous, but the purpose he puts them to is his own business. And perhaps, secretly, that all his spammy schemes fail spectacularly or are filtered out before they ever get a chance to be posted. At some point, he'll do a Heel Face Turn and put my knowledge to Good use. Or so I tell myself.

My job is never dull, nor boring. The sheer Weirdness Factor involved makes it so.

I haven't done one of these in a good long while, so have the usual pairing...and a few laughs.

1) Libraries, as an aggregate, have more free Wi-Fi hotspots than Starbucks, and rent just about as many DVDs as Netflix in a year. (Among other things. Check out How Libraries Stack Up for the full lowdown.)

2) People drawing graffiti in the bathrooms are uninventive. Really, people, names, signs, symbols, and genitals? If you're going to graffiti us, why not put up something that we'll have to think about whether or not we want to paint over it and have it removed?

3) Children are strangely silent around us when their parents are around. I want to know why.

4) Graphic novels are apparently not "real" books. (*siiiiiiiigh*)

5) Someone can forget their teeth at the library. No, you don't want to know how I know this.

6) Reality-denial is apparently rife at the library.

7) I am a time-traveler from the future! (Based on that I had the same first name as one of the students in a class I was presenting to.)
7b) More specifically, I am also apparently either immune to the paradox of meeting your younger self, or I'm The Doctor. (Based on meeting someone who the teens were certain had the same mannerisms that I did.)

8) Some of my users (I'm not sure whether it's younger or older) do not know the difference between an RJ-45 jack and a USB port. (Considering this was on the machine for the very youngest to play games with, I'm not completely surprised by this.) I am impressed that the machine took having a USB dongle plugged into the RJ-45 without shorting or doing other bad things.

9) People other than comedians and comic writers use the word "booger".

10) Someone will talk to their companion about how they don't know what they're looking for, but when asked if I can help them find something, they will tell me that they have it all under control.

11) There is such a thing as a potty dance. I mean, I already knew that, but to see it played out right in front of me was something else entirely.

12) People think better and worse of libraries than I do. They think better of us in believeing we have everything, and then they think worse of us when we tell them the reality of the situation. There's nothing quite like having someone go away in a huff because we might not be carrying what they need right then.

13) I may, in fact, be an old jaded librarian at this point, for requests that ask me to find information about the New World Order brought on by the One World Religion do not phase me. In this particular case, they had a name they wanted to research, and that made things much easier.

13b) Similarly, requests on how to improve one's sex life or finding materials for giving The Talk to children do not warrant a seconed blink. I think I'm going to be familiar with that Dewey call number before all is said and done.

14) Big Brother is Always Watching You. And they expect you to fill any time voids you might unfortunately have with things that benefit the Company, even if they will prove to be ultimately futile and never get anywhere.

14b) Big Brother may also carry a grudge, and does not forgive mistakes.

15) Some of my co-workers do not find the prospect of having to ask a parent to clothe their children that are running about in the fountain nearl as deadpan or amusing as I do. (I did apologize for the scarring. They, however, believe they have "seen it all" after witnessing this. They are mistaken.)

16) The fire sensors in the new building work. They may, in fact, be a little high-strung.

17) Children with cellular phones will still ask to use our phones to call parents or guardians.

It's been a while since I did these. Not because I haven't been learning, but because it's taking more and more to shock me, I think....

1) Old technology will do just as well for tasks as new. And often for a far superior price. Now if I could just get the thing to do Wi-Fi...and apparently, if I want to spend some money at it, I can. (Or, I could spend a bit more money and get something with the wireless built in once the old tech starts failing.)

2) I still love telling stories in front of audiences.

3) As far as I know, there is no database resource that lets you easily compare the specifics of tax law between the various states. A book, sure.

4) Young men still think it acceptable to show their underwear. Unlike before, however, it was actually under the clothing.

5) Our library has a knack for acronyms. ELVIS used to do the calling, but he has left the building. His replacement? HAL.
5b) HAL apparently elides some of his pronunciations, such that patrons can mistake him for saying "This is Hell calling."
5c) You can imagine the hilarity that ensues from taking that idea out to its logical conclusion. "Pay your fines or FACE THE WRATH OF SATAN!"

6) There are twitterbots for a lot of things. I accidentally discovered one called RedactBot, which apparently listens for and then retweets anything with a [redacted] in it, whether serious or humorous usage. May end up following it just to see what happens.

7) I now understand intimately what other librarians are complaining about when they talk about how surly people can get when they don't have the free Internet terminals working. And I see why they think of them as Entitlement Echidnas.

8) Ideas take a very long time to bring all the way to fruition, especially when they involve several levels of management approval along the way.

9) There are still people who have not been brought forward into the realm of the newer, friendlier, conversation-is-allowed library. This is depressing, because it tells me how long it has been since that person set foot in a library.

10)There is nowhere that is safe from someone wanting you to covert to their religion. I do believe that one was my first offical, while-at-work one. And from a Catholic, no less.

11) A good sell is better than a great idea. Always.
11b) As a corollary to this, never expect anything you read in the media to be completely truthful.
11c) Especially when there's a chance to scare someone into thinking their children are in danger.

12) Our copier coin box has a SEP field around it.

13) A fortune card is an acceptable bookmark.

14) I'm already 10-15 years too old to be good at video games.

Version 11 covers the last couple months on the tail end of my first year. It’s not to say that I haven’t learned lots of stuff already, it’s just that things have been relatively quiet on the Interesting Stuff list

1) Not everyone feels that their fellow beings are deserving of common courtesy, nor is everyone considerate of the possible effects their actions have on others.

1b) Some even take this to the point of telling someone not to talk to the librarian so they can sit and read the paper quietly outside of the quiet area.

2) Summer reading is a time of great fun, but an avalanche of stuff, so much so that things get forgotten. Writing stuff down/keeping an electronic to-do list is definitely your friend.

3) Every time I do something new, it’s an opportunity for documentation, because there’s some part of the process (or the whole thing) that doesn’t make sense to me.

3b)That said, there’s still a remarkable amount of stuff I don’t know. Only recently did I find out that there are multiple methods for the disposal of certain types of materials.

4) There is no telling what someone will be offended by in a book. I say this because every time I hear a complaint about a book, I get another confirmation of the wisdom of “access for all, without restrictions, without censorship, and without really giving a damn what people think about it.”

5) There’s also no telling what someone will be offended by in an interaction. Learning through feedback after the event is a clumsy way of learning, but it’s better than nothing at all.

6) Wearing the badge means that occasionally, someone will shout at you to “do something” about someone else. The fun happens when the other person is behaving within the policy rules.

7) I really need to work on my communication skills - I’m not getting things across the way I should.

8) Corollary to that: I keep finding out that rules bend where I expect them to be reasonably stiff.

Tune in next time to see what else about the world of my work and life I didn’t know before it happened to me.

No fooling, this is the Stuff that I Learned for the month of April:

1) Camo is a popular pattern here. Being that we're close to military bases, this makes sense. Although I have to say that seeing a child dressed in miniature replica of Dad's military fatigues was more than a mite disturbing.

2) Focus on the Family has a young adult book imprint. Both series that I have seen so far involve young women. Do I really want to know what the contents of said books are?

3) If they think they can get away with it, they'll try.

4) Schedules for construction do not move earlier, only later.

5) People will use the strangest things for bookmarks. Considering it was a Playboy item, though, that may have been all it was really good for.

5b) As a corollary to this and all the other things I've learned, working in a library is never a dull affair. The people prevent it from being that.

6) Wii Golf is still a bit sensitive at all the wrong times.

7) There's got to be a Latter-Day Saints church and/or mission near where I am.

8) They make the flag of Israel in a convenient car size (like the Wings flags you'll see on everyone's vehicle in Detroit these days).

9) I miss thunderstorms. Not the actual storm part, but the sound and lightning of them.

Yet more things that I have learned, for the month of February of 2008:

1) Trying hard is good. Trying too hard is stressful. Knowing when the line has been crossed from one to the other is wisdom.

2) There's a reason that tech support starts with "Is it turned on? Is everything plugged in? Did you install the software?" - it solves 95% of problems.

3) Life takes up so much time that finding time to live life is tough.

4) "Doing it for the lulz" apparently works pretty well.

5) Just when you thought you knew all the avenues for complaining, something new appears.

6) Being sick sucks. It really does suck.

7) Cell phone ringtones are diverse. And I think, in today's world, we're attuned to hearing them. Which is why so many people can get irritated at someone's tune playing. There's also the part where the tones have to be audible, which often means "loud enough to be heard over conversation" that could be irritating, too.

8) The stories of library users are as diverse as the users themselves. I suspect that after many years of accumulated experience, I too will have many stories to tell about my life in libraries.

9) I miss recess. It would be nice to have a siesta in the middle of the day, possibly with enough time to do a pick-up game of kickball or something. Actually, I've missed recess since the seventh grade, when it was taken away from me and replaced with the more sedate "lunch" period. I liked having activities and such during the study period, but I really do miss the ability to take an hour or two in the middle of the day and just run around after eating.

9b) In the same way that I miss recess, I'd like to have a nap period during my workday. I think all staff could use paid recess and paid nap time.

10) My character class in life is Absentminded Librarian. A short while after asking for help, I will find the answer I was looking for, and thus feel kind of foolish for having asked in the first place.

11) To make up for it, all persons looking for material or information within the effective range of a librarian have their DC drop dramatically.

12) The Bridge Rule: Anywhere on the Internet where there is an attempt to make a bridge between people, be it financially, socially, romantically, or otherwise, there is at least one troll underneath the bridge.

13) The Other Bridge Rule: A proper opening bid should have more than 12 high-card points and either a five-card major or three-card minor suit. Quick tricks may help an 11 or 12 high-card point hand be enough to open with.

The Things I have Learned for the Month of December, here in Washington:

1) If you can think of it, someone probably wrote a book about it. (Goth Craft, for example.)

2) Yes, I can find an image with only a description, a possible name word, and some dumb luck. Extra points for the person asking the question because the description of the image was spot-on accurate.

2b) When describing things myself, sometimes the details that you think aren’t going to help much turn out to be precisely the details that make it all work.

3) I will recall that affixing my signature to my time sheet is a necessary part of ensuring that I get paid.

4) I can now join library_mofo, having spoken the appropriate entry phrase because of something work-related.

5) I will always keep in mind that physiologically, the brains of my users are always in development. The manifestations of this phenomenon are wide and varied.

6) Olivia comes in Latin.

7) I still hate being absentminded. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

8) In the same vein as #1 on the November version (part 4) of this list, there’s no such thing as too-short shorts. Just paste on sufficient black spandex as to meet modesty requirements around the frayed and white short-shorts, and you’re good to go.

8b) There’s also no such thing as too early for perfume or adult-size purses. Sure, everyone wants to get older quicker, but at what point did we replace the water in the perfume bottle with actual perfume? (Should we blame the government? Or blame society? Or the perky bubbly *ping!* they call Barbie?)

9) The science fiction course I took in my undergraduate has been useful in one way or another at least three times this month.

10) I have a job where I can use the word “ratiocination” in proper context without straining or being called for a loquaciousness foul.

11) A lot of library staff have degrees that are pretty-but-otherwise-useless, myself included. However, as it turns out, there is at least one other person in the library system that I know of that has a similar undergraduate degree to mine.

12) The universe will always make sure that there is a Santa hat available when I make a remark about needing one.

13) Professional reading literature arrives in batches. It can be cleared with sufficient time and devotion, but the magazines tend to travel in packs, perhaps for their protection.

13b) The professional magazines are sometimes a month or three behind. That’s just a consequence of having lots of people on the list who want to read it. Does make for hilarity, though, when the most current issue of a magazine is out in my branch for quite a while before the magazine that’s a month behind arrives.

14) Winter festivals have a much different frame of reference when there’s no snow on the ground and there’s only occasional snow in the air.

15) Being a librarian means I have the freedom to engage in research when a curiostiy impulse hits me, like “While the First Amendment specifically forbids Congress from doing things, it’s usually extended to the state and local levels as well. When did that happen?”

16) *cough* Strong scents in the library have a way of getting to you. *cough*

Yet more things I have learned on the job:

1) There is no such thing as cheating when your own knowledge is insufficient or runs dry. There is only consultation of additional resources, including pulling potential reading suggestions by using a bookseller’s “Recommended” feature.

2) If you know a few things about a book, and one of them is either the author, the title, or the name of the series, there is a high probability that I can find it. Even on occasion, if you don’t know any of those things, I can find it. This is not magic, but it sure looks like it, especially when you pull the book that someone’s been looking for on nothing more than a title and one element of the story.

3) No matter how bright, large, flashing, neon, or other manner of attracting attention to itself the sign is, I will still be asked many times where someone can find X section.

3b) As a corollary, even if I were to deploy a large sign in front of my desk that said “Interrupt me!” or “Ask me questions!” in any sort of attention-grabbing manner, the average person would still likely pass my desk three times before finally mustering the courage to say something.

4) There are no such things as stupid questions. There are, however, newbie questions for which policies have already been evaluated and put in place. However, it takes asking the question to find out that something has already been determined. Thus, I will not feel stupid asking newbie questions. (This leads into #11 of volume 2 of this series, as well.)

5a) The Cataloging System Is Precise. Zero results generally means that I have input something incorrectly and the system is taking me at my word. This is particularly annoying after I have found material with a more forgiving system and am trying to see if we have it.

5b) The Cataloging System Is Error-Prone. Likely due to the nature of outsourcing cataloging data to other services that do so (or due to the variances of persons at those services), one cannot be assured that the various books in a series will be cataloged in a uniform manner, nor can we assure that they will all be found in the same general area from one branch to another. (This is particularly apparent in book series in paperback.)

6) I will accept my additional duties as a sort of first-responder technology troubleshooter/instructor with grace. By virtue of this, I also reserve the right to speak technobabble at any point I choose, and additionally reserve the right to perform “unofficial solutions” in the course of my day to achieve appropriate results.

7) The Weather is Variable. Just because one day started as a day where I could walk to work in a light jacket and feel good with a little breeze does not mean that the weather will not turn into cold, windy, and rainy that would probably have better warranted the heavier coat. (This is a modification and supplement to #1 of the first entry in this series.)

8) Throwaway ideas are often winners. No matter how cheesy, corny, or otherwise bad it sounds, put it out there - it may be perfect, or it may be the right foundation for modification.

9) The phone may be silent all day, but there will be voicemail when I first come into work, and when I get back from lunch, no matter when either of those occasions are.

10) Getting “lost” in a town/city on foot is far more rewarding than getting “lost” in the same town/city in a car. By the first method, one discovers a bowling alley, movie theater, laser tag/arcade/play area and an indoor paintball arena are all proximal. By the second method, one discovers which streets do not actually run all the way north/south or east/west.

11) Getting children to do what you would like them to do is akin to herding felines. This task is far easier when Mamma Cat is around.

12) Herding children is easier than getting more information out of someone attempting to deny interest in the subject that they are asking a reference question about.

13) For most people, 1 hour/day of Internet time is not enough.

14) There is such a thing as collaborative coloring sheet work. I never thought that such things could be so group-oriented.

15) Children are vicious to each other. They will also forge temporary alliances against the adults if it is in their interest to do so. It is still a toss-up whether young children or teenage children are more vicious and incisive to their peers. This is technically something I already knew, but am getting significant amounts of firsthand experience and anecdotes about.

16) Nothing encourages better behavior than being in the line of sight or the range of hearing of a librarian.

17) After a while, one gets enough of a feel for the library such that one can go from person to person, dropping off a querant in the proper zone for their answer and picking up another that needs to go elsewhere. When I do this, I feel like I’m playing some sort of train game. Now that I think about it, I think it would make a pretty awesome train-style game.

Perhaps more to come in the month yet arriving. I somehow doubt that I’ll ever know everything all at once.

The things I have learned in my first few weeks of work and living here are as follows:

1) The weather here is moist. Thus, finding condensation on the outside of your car window is not something to be surprised about. Nor should I be surprised with light rain being a companion in my days.

2) I will not be surprised if, on the second day of working at my library branch, someone who teaches French stops by and I am thus able to exercise a language that I thought I would not speak again past the time at university. Speaking in halting, conversibile, and inelegant French is still apparently enough to impress my co-worker.

3) My co-workers get my humor, are unafraid to fire first, and will respond if attacked. This creates a fantastic working environment. Similarly, my bosses do not require nooses nor full suit and tie as required dress for work. This also contributes to a fantastic working environment.

4) I will not be surprised when, after a week, I have been handed three projects and have likely volunteered for two more. I will also not be surprised when a critical piece of information useful to the current project was not communicated because, frankly, I didn’t ask and they didn’t say.I will also be very aware that other projects that look alluring may also waylay me in the alley and steal my free time. I will resolve to ensure that my work stays at the office.

5) There will always be choice phrases uttered within hearing distance, such as “I don’t want any of those books. They’re too historical.” I will ensure that those sayings are chronicled in some manner so that more people will be convinced that libraries are not dull and stodgy places. I will also note that the lure of free knowledge, once sufficient, has been supplanted by the lure of being able to access one’s MySpace page, and adjust my persuasion tactics accordingly.

6) Living within a short walking distance of a hippie grocery store, a chain grocery store, and a video game retailer is a really cool thing. If I stay here for another a couple years and the new construction project goes according to schedule, I will be living across from work, which is even cooler.

7) I will not be surprised when the hippie grocery store checkout person asks when I’m listening to, asks which game when I say “Video game soundtracks”, responds “Really?” when I say “Super Smash Brothers Melee” and proclaims that Castelvania: SOTN is an excellent soundtrack, and that The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is also good. (He recommends playing Metroid as good Wiimote training first, and then Twilight Princess as a nunchuck trainer.)

8) The concept of space has been so foreign to me over the last six years that I have a slight “whoa.” moment when I find out that between all the stuff that I brought with me and the material that I’ve purchased all fits in my living room. (And some part of my kitchen). The bedroom’s space is still mostly available. What I’m lacking now is not space, but storage units to put it all in. And a desk. And a chair. But those things will wait until I have some money in the bank account.

9) Knowing people in the area you’re moving to is a big plus. Even more so when you can meet them and get mauled at board games soon after you arrive.

And finally,

10) Being able to do one’s laundry inside the apartment is a fantastic thing. Maybe at some point, perhaps if I ever have enough dishes to warrant its usage, I’ll even consider running the dishwasher.

All this in only a little while. We’ll have to see how many other things appear just within the first year.