Things I have Learned At Work, part 15

I haven't done one of these in a good long while, so have the usual pairing...and a few laughs.

1) Libraries, as an aggregate, have more free Wi-Fi hotspots than Starbucks, and rent just about as many DVDs as Netflix in a year. (Among other things. Check out How Libraries Stack Up for the full lowdown.)

2) People drawing graffiti in the bathrooms are uninventive. Really, people, names, signs, symbols, and genitals? If you're going to graffiti us, why not put up something that we'll have to think about whether or not we want to paint over it and have it removed?

3) Children are strangely silent around us when their parents are around. I want to know why.

4) Graphic novels are apparently not "real" books. (*siiiiiiiigh*)

5) Someone can forget their teeth at the library. No, you don't want to know how I know this.

6) Reality-denial is apparently rife at the library.

7) I am a time-traveler from the future! (Based on that I had the same first name as one of the students in a class I was presenting to.)
7b) More specifically, I am also apparently either immune to the paradox of meeting your younger self, or I'm The Doctor. (Based on meeting someone who the teens were certain had the same mannerisms that I did.)

8) Some of my users (I'm not sure whether it's younger or older) do not know the difference between an RJ-45 jack and a USB port. (Considering this was on the machine for the very youngest to play games with, I'm not completely surprised by this.) I am impressed that the machine took having a USB dongle plugged into the RJ-45 without shorting or doing other bad things.

9) People other than comedians and comic writers use the word "booger".

10) Someone will talk to their companion about how they don't know what they're looking for, but when asked if I can help them find something, they will tell me that they have it all under control.

11) There is such a thing as a potty dance. I mean, I already knew that, but to see it played out right in front of me was something else entirely.

12) People think better and worse of libraries than I do. They think better of us in believeing we have everything, and then they think worse of us when we tell them the reality of the situation. There's nothing quite like having someone go away in a huff because we might not be carrying what they need right then.

13) I may, in fact, be an old jaded librarian at this point, for requests that ask me to find information about the New World Order brought on by the One World Religion do not phase me. In this particular case, they had a name they wanted to research, and that made things much easier.

13b) Similarly, requests on how to improve one's sex life or finding materials for giving The Talk to children do not warrant a seconed blink. I think I'm going to be familiar with that Dewey call number before all is said and done.

14) Big Brother is Always Watching You. And they expect you to fill any time voids you might unfortunately have with things that benefit the Company, even if they will prove to be ultimately futile and never get anywhere.

14b) Big Brother may also carry a grudge, and does not forgive mistakes.

15) Some of my co-workers do not find the prospect of having to ask a parent to clothe their children that are running about in the fountain nearl as deadpan or amusing as I do. (I did apologize for the scarring. They, however, believe they have "seen it all" after witnessing this. They are mistaken.)

16) The fire sensors in the new building work. They may, in fact, be a little high-strung.

17) Children with cellular phones will still ask to use our phones to call parents or guardians.

Things I would Like My Users To Learn, part 6

1) If you think your child might produce biologically hazardous material such as vomit...stay home. Please. Stay home.

2) There is no such thing as "real books". Stories are stories, regardless of the way they are told. To prize print over graphics is to potentially kill interest in reading.

3) For my young users: Talk to me, and speak up, please. I'm looking at you for a reason - you know better than your parents or anyone else what qustion you really have.

4) Toddlers and babies are not things to be set down or left somewhere, even for a quick trip to the bathroom. Children are not to be left to their own devices without seupervision. For their safety and ours.

5) I will evaluate the request you make to me for the likelihood of being able to find information on it. The more esoteric the information, the more likely there will not be any books on it, nor any reputable articles that I will feel comfortable recommending.

6) Teachers: There is such a thing as too esoteric an assignment for the public library.
6b) Taxpayers: School libraries are important and necessary. FUND THEM. The public library will not be able to provide institutional support if you shortsightedly shortchange your school's funding.

7) I would really appreciate you taking me up on the offer of not wearing shoes and wearing pajamas (that you can wear in public) in story time. For both you, children, and you, adults. I do not say these things merely as self-justification for my own costuming choices.

8) When the fire alarm sounds, it is procedure to evacuate the building. Yes, even if there's no actual fire. Yes, even if you overheard the explanation for things going off. Your computer time is not that important. Get. Out.

9) Person: If i have told you three times that there's nothing checked out on your card, asking me when the movies you have from us are due is not going to change my answer. Bring them back so we can check them out properly and then you will have a due date.

10) At no point is it going to be socially acceptable for your children to run about into the fountain jets naked.

11) It is not funny, amusing, or cool to remove the labels indicating where the library and the parking garage exit is from the elevator.

12) The parking garage is not an indoor skate park, no matter how much it looks like one.

13) If you are going to give your child a telephone to carry about with them, you really should make sure that it works and can call you.