Came across this on the list, not from ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
umadoshi, where I originally thought, possibly through marahmarie:
7 psychological superpowers few people have that you can use to set yourself apart. Which turn out to be less about superpowers and more about the virtues of restraint, so all the pieces of advice are framed as things you should stop doing, rather than things you might want to start or change.
The first one is "Hide Your Intelligence," because nobody likes a show-off or a know-it-all, and nobody likes being corrected. "Don't outshine the master," is the advice in a work situation, and let others take the spotlight in your social situations. Make everyone think you're not as smart as you actually are, and make sure everyone else's ego gets sufficiently stroked that they associate you with the feeling of feeling important.
So, make yourself less because you'll be struck by Tall Poppy Syndrome, or people will associate you as the person that makes them feel stupid or always corrects them when they're wrong. It sounds very much like the problem with someone being smart is everyone else. There are better and worse ways, ways that will be taken well or poorly, to give someone suggestions and corrections, and there are ways of being smart that are more and less productive to your own goals, but this advice is essentially telling someone not to use their abilities as a general rule, rather than suggesting that someone with intelligence has to learn the ways of using it well and productively. I can get behind "sometimes, you'll keep your mouth shut about correcting someone because you know that person will react negatively to any correction" and "sometimes, you'll keep your mouth shut because you don't know how to make the suggestion in a way they'll take and act on," but that more accurately describes the problem - it's not that being smart is a problem (which is a thing we tell young children, especially those perceived as girls), it's that there are a lot of ways that people will react negatively to someone being smart(er) around them.
The rest of the advice follows a certain amount of "now that we've told you that showing off your smarts is being a bad idea, here are other ways that you can be socially terrible that don't involve being brainy in public." Resisting* group think makes sense, because we produce filter bubbles and like to associate with people we perceive as friendly, but the advice itself is "make conscious decisions about which thinkers you're going to adopt, make sure that you have views that are composed of parts of contradictory philosophies, and then stay out of discussions and debates, because they don't change your life." Because the only person you're going to change is you, apparently, and it's not worth making an effort to engage with others. Because you shouldn't show off that you're smart, you also shouldn't show that you have any qualification to have a discussion with others about philosophies and ideas that you've chosen to adopt or reject.
Then there's "Stop caring what other people think about you," which on the face seems to flagrantly contradict "Hide your Intelligence," because hiding your intelligence is all about caring what other people think about you. The justification for this is that you, as a being, are a mote in a speck of dust in the cosmic eye, and nothing you do will have impact on anything, so you may as well live your life the way you want to live, because everyone else is equally infinitesimal in the cosmic eye, so you shouldn't let those specks dictate what you do. I don't think this was as thought through as well as it could have been, because sociopathy is not necessarily a thing that I would advocate as a virtue.
"Stop placing blame," we're told, because if the fault is with us, then it's on us to improve, and if the fault is with someone else, well, odds are against you that you'll be able to get the other person to change. That sounds determinedly fatalistic, and I don't think people liked it all that much when it was God's will that you were a peasant and shouldn't try to be anything else, and they certainly don't like it now when people say "ugh, why are you so concerned with how people and government treat you over your race/your gender/your sexuality/your [Z]. You should just ignore them and do your best." Except we prove time and time again that ignoring the bullies doesn't make them go away, and often causes escalation. The virtue of forgiving those who wrong you, most usually espoused by The Being Represented By The Tetragrammaton, is seen as an especially holy thing because there's real harm that people do to others, and placing blame where it belongs is one of the things that helps get things changed. (Or prosecuted.)
The first actually useful piece of advice is "Stop 'Waiting to Talk'", because it's all about active listening and letting others talk. It still gets a little twisted to further the idea above about not joining discussions and contradicts "Stop caring about what other people think about you" because doing this is all about letting other people think you are wonderful and a great friend and tell you everything you want to know about them because you listen all the time and rarely talk.
"Stop letting your desires pull you in every direction" would be much better named as "Do the things you enjoy doing, not the things you do for status or objects." Which is good work, if you can get it. There is research about how stuff generally leads to temporary happiness, but happiness is generally the product of intrinsic motivation and enjoying what you're doing, so the advice itself is pretty good, if not particularly well-named.
The last piece of advice is "Stop taking everything so seriously." Which is an easy thing to say if you're the kind of person who can shrug off things or don't get exposed to things that are much more harmful or deadly to people who aren't you. But the advice itself is "stop watching news, stop getting embroiled in social media, tend to your own life first, care about your friends and family, your career, and your finances, but don't worry, because you're still a cosmic speck and control is an illusion." Which is very much a Wealthy White Dude thing to say, because it's unlikely that you're going to be killed by a police officer who is racist or has internalized institutional racism in their procedures, and it's unlikely that you're going to be sexually assaulted (and possibly killed) by a man and the entire apparatus of society will turn its baleful eye on you and assume that you invited and consented to your own assault. Or that the government in charge is doing what it can, both subtly and overtly, to make you into a second-class citizen and take away from you to give to someone more like them.
There is something to say about focusing your attention so that you're not dissipating yourself over everything, but that also essentially requires believing there are others who are fighting on the front that you're not going to be focusing on. That can be difficult.
So, all of these things seem to hinge around two main ideas:
---
The actually useful parts of the previous piece might have been encapsulated in this piece, also possibly frommarahmarie: Kindness at the workplace makes for a better workplace. Which boils down to "be kind to your coworkers, even the ones where you have to fake it completely, and your work environment will be better and more productive." It contains much of the same ideas, like not placing blame (because you still have to work with them), doing active listening, supporting other people, and so on. And in less cosmic crisis-inducing words.
I'll admit, it's difficult to be kind to people who are very clearly showing themselves to lack the capacity in return, but in those things, there are such things as paychecks to try and take the sting out of it, or the terrible truth that you still have to work with these people. And sometimes you can manage to find a way to work with each other.
umadoshi, where I originally thought, possibly through marahmarie:7 psychological superpowers few people have that you can use to set yourself apart. Which turn out to be less about superpowers and more about the virtues of restraint, so all the pieces of advice are framed as things you should stop doing, rather than things you might want to start or change.
The first one is "Hide Your Intelligence," because nobody likes a show-off or a know-it-all, and nobody likes being corrected. "Don't outshine the master," is the advice in a work situation, and let others take the spotlight in your social situations. Make everyone think you're not as smart as you actually are, and make sure everyone else's ego gets sufficiently stroked that they associate you with the feeling of feeling important.
So, make yourself less because you'll be struck by Tall Poppy Syndrome, or people will associate you as the person that makes them feel stupid or always corrects them when they're wrong. It sounds very much like the problem with someone being smart is everyone else. There are better and worse ways, ways that will be taken well or poorly, to give someone suggestions and corrections, and there are ways of being smart that are more and less productive to your own goals, but this advice is essentially telling someone not to use their abilities as a general rule, rather than suggesting that someone with intelligence has to learn the ways of using it well and productively. I can get behind "sometimes, you'll keep your mouth shut about correcting someone because you know that person will react negatively to any correction" and "sometimes, you'll keep your mouth shut because you don't know how to make the suggestion in a way they'll take and act on," but that more accurately describes the problem - it's not that being smart is a problem (which is a thing we tell young children, especially those perceived as girls), it's that there are a lot of ways that people will react negatively to someone being smart(er) around them.
The rest of the advice follows a certain amount of "now that we've told you that showing off your smarts is being a bad idea, here are other ways that you can be socially terrible that don't involve being brainy in public." Resisting* group think makes sense, because we produce filter bubbles and like to associate with people we perceive as friendly, but the advice itself is "make conscious decisions about which thinkers you're going to adopt, make sure that you have views that are composed of parts of contradictory philosophies, and then stay out of discussions and debates, because they don't change your life." Because the only person you're going to change is you, apparently, and it's not worth making an effort to engage with others. Because you shouldn't show off that you're smart, you also shouldn't show that you have any qualification to have a discussion with others about philosophies and ideas that you've chosen to adopt or reject.
Then there's "Stop caring what other people think about you," which on the face seems to flagrantly contradict "Hide your Intelligence," because hiding your intelligence is all about caring what other people think about you. The justification for this is that you, as a being, are a mote in a speck of dust in the cosmic eye, and nothing you do will have impact on anything, so you may as well live your life the way you want to live, because everyone else is equally infinitesimal in the cosmic eye, so you shouldn't let those specks dictate what you do. I don't think this was as thought through as well as it could have been, because sociopathy is not necessarily a thing that I would advocate as a virtue.
"Stop placing blame," we're told, because if the fault is with us, then it's on us to improve, and if the fault is with someone else, well, odds are against you that you'll be able to get the other person to change. That sounds determinedly fatalistic, and I don't think people liked it all that much when it was God's will that you were a peasant and shouldn't try to be anything else, and they certainly don't like it now when people say "ugh, why are you so concerned with how people and government treat you over your race/your gender/your sexuality/your [Z]. You should just ignore them and do your best." Except we prove time and time again that ignoring the bullies doesn't make them go away, and often causes escalation. The virtue of forgiving those who wrong you, most usually espoused by The Being Represented By The Tetragrammaton, is seen as an especially holy thing because there's real harm that people do to others, and placing blame where it belongs is one of the things that helps get things changed. (Or prosecuted.)
The first actually useful piece of advice is "Stop 'Waiting to Talk'", because it's all about active listening and letting others talk. It still gets a little twisted to further the idea above about not joining discussions and contradicts "Stop caring about what other people think about you" because doing this is all about letting other people think you are wonderful and a great friend and tell you everything you want to know about them because you listen all the time and rarely talk.
"Stop letting your desires pull you in every direction" would be much better named as "Do the things you enjoy doing, not the things you do for status or objects." Which is good work, if you can get it. There is research about how stuff generally leads to temporary happiness, but happiness is generally the product of intrinsic motivation and enjoying what you're doing, so the advice itself is pretty good, if not particularly well-named.
The last piece of advice is "Stop taking everything so seriously." Which is an easy thing to say if you're the kind of person who can shrug off things or don't get exposed to things that are much more harmful or deadly to people who aren't you. But the advice itself is "stop watching news, stop getting embroiled in social media, tend to your own life first, care about your friends and family, your career, and your finances, but don't worry, because you're still a cosmic speck and control is an illusion." Which is very much a Wealthy White Dude thing to say, because it's unlikely that you're going to be killed by a police officer who is racist or has internalized institutional racism in their procedures, and it's unlikely that you're going to be sexually assaulted (and possibly killed) by a man and the entire apparatus of society will turn its baleful eye on you and assume that you invited and consented to your own assault. Or that the government in charge is doing what it can, both subtly and overtly, to make you into a second-class citizen and take away from you to give to someone more like them.
There is something to say about focusing your attention so that you're not dissipating yourself over everything, but that also essentially requires believing there are others who are fighting on the front that you're not going to be focusing on. That can be difficult.
So, all of these things seem to hinge around two main ideas:
- On a cosmic scale, you don't matter, so you don't need to be restrained or restricted by things like other people's opinions.
- Say and do as little as needed to interact with others, share no opinions about anything with them, and they will think of you as a genius and love you.
---
The actually useful parts of the previous piece might have been encapsulated in this piece, also possibly from
marahmarie: Kindness at the workplace makes for a better workplace. Which boils down to "be kind to your coworkers, even the ones where you have to fake it completely, and your work environment will be better and more productive." It contains much of the same ideas, like not placing blame (because you still have to work with them), doing active listening, supporting other people, and so on. And in less cosmic crisis-inducing words. I'll admit, it's difficult to be kind to people who are very clearly showing themselves to lack the capacity in return, but in those things, there are such things as paychecks to try and take the sting out of it, or the terrible truth that you still have to work with these people. And sometimes you can manage to find a way to work with each other.
