Entropy Sucks.
Apr. 10th, 2015 10:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silveradeptI realize that there's a necessary functioning of the universe that things must be destroyed. Light elements become heavier by fusion, and something new happens in the destruction of the old. Systems consume resources to produce new products. With the application of energy and technology, we can build wonders of great size and/or complexity.
Unfortunately, the things that make complex systems able to do great things also require the consumption of energy. When you stop giving a system energy, it ceases to be productive. Given enough time without energy, all complex systems begin to break down into their components.
It's not exactly fair that we are subject to entropy still. I understand that it's a necessary part of the function of the universe - creation and destruction all wrapped up in a giant process. That we aren't able to control it yet seems a great black mark against our technology, that all of our wonders will amount to a statue in the desert, a monument to our hubris and nothing else. The Last Question has not yet been answered, much to my great distress, and there is no Universal AC anywhere near completion to compute it.
In short, entropy sucks. Even when you know how necessary it is.
I'm thinking about this truth because last month I was reminded that it's been ten years since the rather sudden death of a good friend, a man of curiosity and wit, who, unsurprisingly, ran a used book store. His store also had meeting space for groups in the community that might be interested in books or other properties, and it was here that my hometown anime club found its start and first meeting space. I made this friendships and watched sometimes good anime in that shop, and his death was unexpected. Nearly broke the club apart, but venue changed to a house in the area owned by one of the members, and things continued.
That's the other problem with having a finite lifespan - I'm sure that the time before and the time after me are full of wonderful and exciting things, and I'm going to miss out on them. And they're not going to know who I was, or anything that I did. In the cosmic timespan, I am but a blip, of no importance. That, too, sucks, as entropy will get everything about me and my work, and eventually everything, including the molecules and component parts of what I compose this on and what you read it on.
I'm not ready to die yet. Perhaps in time I will be, but I'm still hoping that we will be able to choose the time and manner of our own passing, after we feel that we have had enough life before that decision is mine.
I'm pretty much a bad practitioner of any belief system I've tried. I do not have the Buddhist's detachment, the surety of Heaven or an afterlife by which all are reunited with those they have lost, or even the serenity to accept the thing that cannot change. Being reminded of my own mortality is always frightening, because there's so much left to do and not nearly enough time and no certainty that there will be a post-existence.
The other reason I'm reminded of entropy is because today was the day we put one of the dogs to sleep. She'd lost the function of her back legs, excepting in limited ways. She had a valve malfunction in her heart that was slowly enlarging it. Most recently, she'd had a severe bout of diarrhea and vomiting a couple weeks before, at which point we thought she was lost, but a course of antibiotics, some acupuncture, and a change of diet had her back to full speed, so long as we could support her back legs.
The diarrhea returned this morning, after a warming sign that it might last night on their last potty run. And then again. And again. The anti-diarrheal we have her passed through and exited in the next bout, and at that point, we knew it was time.
She passed peacefully unto DEATH just a few minutes ago, and there will be much about her that I miss.
For now, though, mourn the dead, comfort the living, feed the survivors. For life continues, even if we wish it would stop for a moment to properly truly grieve.
Unfortunately, the things that make complex systems able to do great things also require the consumption of energy. When you stop giving a system energy, it ceases to be productive. Given enough time without energy, all complex systems begin to break down into their components.
It's not exactly fair that we are subject to entropy still. I understand that it's a necessary part of the function of the universe - creation and destruction all wrapped up in a giant process. That we aren't able to control it yet seems a great black mark against our technology, that all of our wonders will amount to a statue in the desert, a monument to our hubris and nothing else. The Last Question has not yet been answered, much to my great distress, and there is no Universal AC anywhere near completion to compute it.
In short, entropy sucks. Even when you know how necessary it is.
I'm thinking about this truth because last month I was reminded that it's been ten years since the rather sudden death of a good friend, a man of curiosity and wit, who, unsurprisingly, ran a used book store. His store also had meeting space for groups in the community that might be interested in books or other properties, and it was here that my hometown anime club found its start and first meeting space. I made this friendships and watched sometimes good anime in that shop, and his death was unexpected. Nearly broke the club apart, but venue changed to a house in the area owned by one of the members, and things continued.
That's the other problem with having a finite lifespan - I'm sure that the time before and the time after me are full of wonderful and exciting things, and I'm going to miss out on them. And they're not going to know who I was, or anything that I did. In the cosmic timespan, I am but a blip, of no importance. That, too, sucks, as entropy will get everything about me and my work, and eventually everything, including the molecules and component parts of what I compose this on and what you read it on.
I'm not ready to die yet. Perhaps in time I will be, but I'm still hoping that we will be able to choose the time and manner of our own passing, after we feel that we have had enough life before that decision is mine.
I'm pretty much a bad practitioner of any belief system I've tried. I do not have the Buddhist's detachment, the surety of Heaven or an afterlife by which all are reunited with those they have lost, or even the serenity to accept the thing that cannot change. Being reminded of my own mortality is always frightening, because there's so much left to do and not nearly enough time and no certainty that there will be a post-existence.
The other reason I'm reminded of entropy is because today was the day we put one of the dogs to sleep. She'd lost the function of her back legs, excepting in limited ways. She had a valve malfunction in her heart that was slowly enlarging it. Most recently, she'd had a severe bout of diarrhea and vomiting a couple weeks before, at which point we thought she was lost, but a course of antibiotics, some acupuncture, and a change of diet had her back to full speed, so long as we could support her back legs.
The diarrhea returned this morning, after a warming sign that it might last night on their last potty run. And then again. And again. The anti-diarrheal we have her passed through and exited in the next bout, and at that point, we knew it was time.
She passed peacefully unto DEATH just a few minutes ago, and there will be much about her that I miss.
For now, though, mourn the dead, comfort the living, feed the survivors. For life continues, even if we wish it would stop for a moment to properly truly grieve.
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Life after Death
Date: 2015-04-10 06:47 pm (UTC)Add me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/matthew.hyer.56
no subject
Date: 2015-04-10 07:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-04-11 02:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-04-11 10:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-04-12 02:17 pm (UTC)It always sucks when it happens; there's never a good time; there are no words. I hope you can take some time to properly grieve. One person I know of was meant to scatter her husband's ashes recently - 6 months after his death. Sometimes things must be put on hold for a time.
*hugs* Good luck with it.
As for belief systems, when you get your head to a place to think about it: I've assembled my own. I've taken what works for me, from whatever traditions I've found them in, and put it all together into my own belief system. It works well for me. Perhaps it's an idea you can explore later on, when the overwhelming grief abates a bit. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2015-04-13 01:51 pm (UTC)Still Team Controllable Entropy all the way, but not a bad framework for the idea of carrying on after the end of existence.
no subject
Date: 2015-04-13 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-04-10 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-05-12 02:09 pm (UTC)May she rest in peace.
I also hope that your situation turns to the better, I'll be on alert for people who might wish to use your skills.