Tonight's quandary.
Feb. 19th, 2005 11:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silveradeptWell, actually, first some mundanity and advertisement from our sponsors.
The mundane was that our college's women’s' basketball team played tonight. And for 3/4 of the game, hung with the opposition. Then the shots stopped falling in, and the problems started. GAH! Our (the trombone section) adopted senior (the lesser star) had a career night... her first game in double-digit scoring. She hit the first points of the game from beyond the 3-point arc. It had the makings of being a good game, even a win. And it self-destructed a bit. And so we were disappointed.
And then there was cleanup - fraternity fundraising bit - not hard, just time-consuming. Tomorrow, shopping to do, possibly a visit to the arcade, if I feel like it. Ah, well.
Perhaps there is good in this. Someone seems to have found the magical power in poo, so perhaps I should channel all of that stinking into a productive end. Maybe. Then again, J.C. was a bottom-feeder at the fragfest, and there's this guy who created robots out of toys (NSFW, but a laugh at the office, probably), so perhaps all this shit's not quite what it's cracked up to be.
Yeah, they're all jokes. Take them seriously, like you're supposed to. Unless, perhaps you're someone plotting to destroy the earth, and then you really don't have much in the way of time to do this, do you?
Now that I've been mundane and worked in my product placements, I can get to the contemplative section of tonight's entry. Those with an aversion to such matters, good night. You need not read past this point.
Tonight features an expansion of the material covered yesterday, and a possibly new, possibly (un)related, material to that. Expanding, then, on yesterday's department, the matter about my relationships and the matter that I was confused about are separate. The confusion resulted from a behavior of a friend of mine - it set off a speculation in my head. The confusion resulted when conflicting data both manifested themselves in my head - I had heard one thing, seen another, and possibly heard something that reinforced the speculation of the seeing. The problem is - neither of the heards are particularly cemented as having been heard or implied enough to have been picked up on. Again, I really shouldn't care, since the result doesn't really affect me at all. The only reason I would want to know is to avoid giving an unintentional offense.
So I'll lay out a hypothetical and pray nobody notices, right? If Miss A is running her fingers through the hair of Miss B (which is in Miss A's lap), is it simply a matter of trying to figure out how Miss B gets such smooth hair, or is it another matter entirely?
That's the confusion. The bit about relationships can probably describe itself best in a self-paradoxical statement - From what I have gathered, there is a great potential that any relationship I enter into will crash. This produces the paradox - I would like to try a relationship, yet I have a strong suspicion that were I to do so, I would screw it up horribly. As some of my commenters noted, looking like an idiot is a natural thing, and I'd probably look like an idiot at least once, if not more. How do I get around or resolve the paradox of self-doubt? Setting myself up for a fall would suck, but I'm not going to know whether I'll fall down unless I get up. So here I sit, somewhat paralyzed.
This is probably something normal to most people, and I'm over-dramatizing it. I see good, working relationships and I see flaming wreckages. Both are possible, so why do I think I fall on the side that will wreck? Is that normal?
The other contemplative exercise for tonight is in my tendency to chronicle myself. It's a habit to put up these entries, even when they only contain material that has probably no interest beyond simple chronicling. I somehow doubt that people are riveted to their screens, awaiting the latest revelations of my life (a la The Truman Show). Besides, I'm sure that in the expanse of LJ, there are scores of people who do drama much better than I do. And with much less material to work with, as well. So, if it's not really something earth-shattering, why am I putting it in here?
It's not filler, really, but it's not "important" material, really, since it's usually one or two things that happened in the day that spark the second-level writing. Yet if I didn't include them, I think a lot of entries would feel "off", and there would be certainly less entries. But it seems, well, counterproductive not to include such stuff and against the grain of why I signed up for the service. Maybe it's the thought of being able to pass off things like my daily activities and have other people read about them and care - the idea of having an audience for my daily life is interesting, especially since I control what you see and hear (no fiddling with the television set). Maybe it's trying to narrate my own life in a way that makes it more interesting. If that were the case, though, I'd say that I suck at spicing up my life. So why do I do this stuff? For all the reasons I can think of, I'm not doing a particularly good job.
Ah, well, stuff for people to chew on, if they feel like it. And I suppose that option's always the important one.
The mundane was that our college's women’s' basketball team played tonight. And for 3/4 of the game, hung with the opposition. Then the shots stopped falling in, and the problems started. GAH! Our (the trombone section) adopted senior (the lesser star) had a career night... her first game in double-digit scoring. She hit the first points of the game from beyond the 3-point arc. It had the makings of being a good game, even a win. And it self-destructed a bit. And so we were disappointed.
And then there was cleanup - fraternity fundraising bit - not hard, just time-consuming. Tomorrow, shopping to do, possibly a visit to the arcade, if I feel like it. Ah, well.
Perhaps there is good in this. Someone seems to have found the magical power in poo, so perhaps I should channel all of that stinking into a productive end. Maybe. Then again, J.C. was a bottom-feeder at the fragfest, and there's this guy who created robots out of toys (NSFW, but a laugh at the office, probably), so perhaps all this shit's not quite what it's cracked up to be.
Yeah, they're all jokes. Take them seriously, like you're supposed to. Unless, perhaps you're someone plotting to destroy the earth, and then you really don't have much in the way of time to do this, do you?
Now that I've been mundane and worked in my product placements, I can get to the contemplative section of tonight's entry. Those with an aversion to such matters, good night. You need not read past this point.
Tonight features an expansion of the material covered yesterday, and a possibly new, possibly (un)related, material to that. Expanding, then, on yesterday's department, the matter about my relationships and the matter that I was confused about are separate. The confusion resulted from a behavior of a friend of mine - it set off a speculation in my head. The confusion resulted when conflicting data both manifested themselves in my head - I had heard one thing, seen another, and possibly heard something that reinforced the speculation of the seeing. The problem is - neither of the heards are particularly cemented as having been heard or implied enough to have been picked up on. Again, I really shouldn't care, since the result doesn't really affect me at all. The only reason I would want to know is to avoid giving an unintentional offense.
So I'll lay out a hypothetical and pray nobody notices, right? If Miss A is running her fingers through the hair of Miss B (which is in Miss A's lap), is it simply a matter of trying to figure out how Miss B gets such smooth hair, or is it another matter entirely?
That's the confusion. The bit about relationships can probably describe itself best in a self-paradoxical statement - From what I have gathered, there is a great potential that any relationship I enter into will crash. This produces the paradox - I would like to try a relationship, yet I have a strong suspicion that were I to do so, I would screw it up horribly. As some of my commenters noted, looking like an idiot is a natural thing, and I'd probably look like an idiot at least once, if not more. How do I get around or resolve the paradox of self-doubt? Setting myself up for a fall would suck, but I'm not going to know whether I'll fall down unless I get up. So here I sit, somewhat paralyzed.
This is probably something normal to most people, and I'm over-dramatizing it. I see good, working relationships and I see flaming wreckages. Both are possible, so why do I think I fall on the side that will wreck? Is that normal?
The other contemplative exercise for tonight is in my tendency to chronicle myself. It's a habit to put up these entries, even when they only contain material that has probably no interest beyond simple chronicling. I somehow doubt that people are riveted to their screens, awaiting the latest revelations of my life (a la The Truman Show). Besides, I'm sure that in the expanse of LJ, there are scores of people who do drama much better than I do. And with much less material to work with, as well. So, if it's not really something earth-shattering, why am I putting it in here?
It's not filler, really, but it's not "important" material, really, since it's usually one or two things that happened in the day that spark the second-level writing. Yet if I didn't include them, I think a lot of entries would feel "off", and there would be certainly less entries. But it seems, well, counterproductive not to include such stuff and against the grain of why I signed up for the service. Maybe it's the thought of being able to pass off things like my daily activities and have other people read about them and care - the idea of having an audience for my daily life is interesting, especially since I control what you see and hear (no fiddling with the television set). Maybe it's trying to narrate my own life in a way that makes it more interesting. If that were the case, though, I'd say that I suck at spicing up my life. So why do I do this stuff? For all the reasons I can think of, I'm not doing a particularly good job.
Ah, well, stuff for people to chew on, if they feel like it. And I suppose that option's always the important one.
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no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 10:10 am (UTC)Okay for that I'd have to see the subjects in question. I could tell you to a certian exent then, but asking a freind quietly in the corner is still the best way to find out. I suppose to an extent it depends on if you'd would like to date either A or B or both (can happen) of if you're simply interested in watching and video taping for later distribution.
So, if it's not really something earth-shattering, why am I putting it in here?
Because those of us to battle the forces of darkness on a nightly basis and wrestle with the cosmos like to know that there are people in the world who just do normal or even near normal shit. As much as my constant babbeling gives people a respite from their normal lives. Other people's normal lives gives me a respite from what it is I do.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 03:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 03:47 pm (UTC)