Monday...

[silveradept]

...was okay. Sort of. Paycheck deposited, noticed that not many places are doing a whole lot of hiring in our area that are advertising in their windows, and generally wondering about the status of my employment prospects for summer. It may turn out to work well in the end anyway. We'll just have to see. I share Llewelyn's optimism. Let's not spoil it, okay?

Look at the pretty clouds.

I think I've finally found an in to getting scholarly works on my last segment - problem is that the one that I support is the one that comes first chronologically, and has to appear first for the others to make any sort of sense. I think. I'll talk a bit with my advisor and see how to handle it, but I guess I'll just have to say that I come back to it as the one I like.

And note to myself in September - file that continuing student form. Not that I'll ever remember that far in advance, so I suspect the government will send me another couple of notices in the mail about how my loans are about to come due. From there, we'll work things out.

And I think someone's started to put a finger on why people might need a revolution to come about. And also the difficulties we have these day of bringing one into existence. I have to admit, in talking with the socialist, the idea of religion and spirituality disappearing under the apparent superiority of science is not a pleasant future to me.

And now, the Silver gets Introspective corner - consider this your warning to stop now if you don't want to be bored by ramblings about subjects to which you may not be concerned.

After going bowling with the fur group, I've been thinking about my own fur (scale?) possibilities. So watch as I wander through my own thought processes and see if you or I make anything coherent out of it.

In the beginning (ominous voice, possible lightning and thunder) I thought of the idea of anthro and furriness as something not too different from role-playing any other character - I had no problems with people doing that, as by the time I suspect I was rather Adept at it myself. Thus, no real hang-ups about the whole concept, even if my premises are potentially a little off-base. And I continued that merry way through most of high school and into college. Since in college I start attending ACEN, I get a slightly better exposure to the ideas as they're an off-message board phenomenon now. And then welah and torakiyoshi are both furry-types, and I meet sporklord and so on and so on.

For me, however, it's always been that the character, the Adept, that has any sort of thing to do with animals - he's got a dragon on his shoulder, after all. When I feel like channeling him, the dragon sits on my shoulder, too. And he's just as much a smartass to me as he is to Silver, I might add. But now I'm considering whether or not I'm really just displacing my own scaly nature onto something else. I'd be okay with that, if it turns out that I'm the dragon. (Although I haven't quite grasped the ageless wisdom bit, in my opinion) It would probably just put him on a different level of "me"-ness than he is right now. I've asked some people "What made you decide to be a fur?" and a lot of them respond, "Well, it's really more that you were always a fur, and now you're just realizing it." I know that answer's true for people who identify as Otherkin and lifestylers, but is it true for the "casual" fur as well?

I'm holding myself back from the identification, because I'm not really sure that I could legitimately call myself a fur, if it's really something else, and without a solid, particularly identifiable bit that I can use as the measuring stick, I'm a little hesitant to claim anything. It's probably true that "You're as furry as you think you are", but I get nervous in those sorts of things, because I'm never sure if I am or not. Probably has something to do with the armor my Western astrological sign likes to carry around. (And on the one where I could have been born a dragon, not so - a boar. At least the elemental signs match up.)

So that's the jumble of my thoughts at the moment. Anyone who can help untangle (or those who feel like knotting things up more), be welcome to make comment. Hopefully I can get things sorted out in my own mind. (Bah - that's a Herculean task - I still get confused about simple things like religion and spirituality...)

Comments

[silveradept]

*jaw movements*

Oh, dammit. Someone paid attention in class, I guess. I've detailed that part before - they're just other parts of my head, well-developed enough to appear to have a life of their own. At least, that's the definition I've used - characters that stick around in your head.

There may be another definition, the idea that certain non-human souls can be wedded to human bodies. In that respect, I think it's possible, but there would have to be some modding done for the soul to be able to use the new body. I haven't met anyone that I know of that professes such a cnnection within themselves, nor met anyone of whom I was sure that was true.

Did that answer it, or are you thinking about something else entirely?

[fred-smith.livejournal.com]

The definition I've always seen is more of the characters (real or not) that stick around in my head thing, although multiplicity is meant to be similar and deals with the idea of a person being made up of several different personalities.

In talking about channelling Adept, or becoming like it, you just reminded me of a soulbonder friend of mine. So I was wondering.

[silveradept]

Ah, so you're using my definition of it. Someone else used the other once, and so I ask about which terminology is being used.

How do I feel about it? The concept is a godsend to me, as it describes the chaos of my head and the apparent independence of those characters, now developed. So I could very well consider myself Soulbonded, although mostly to characters of my own creation, with occasional visitors here and there out of other people's creations. Would love to talk to your friend (or you, if you've got 'em) about it.

[fred-smith.livejournal.com]

Thats could be it. Characters of your own creation do count. I've got them, but I don't interact so often right now, still, if I can help you with anything, let me know. My friend is bekkypk on Live Journal. There are also a few good communities around.

[silveradept]

From the biography posted on your friend's journal, I suspect I may need a letter of introduction before she decides I'm worth talking at.

If you've found a couple good communities, point me in their directions, please. Like many things, I like to see how other people see, if I can see that way.

Incidentally, though, what does soulbonding have to do with it for you? I might be able to puzzle out an oblique reason or two, but I don't think I have full cognizance of your thought processes, so it would be better for you to lay them out for me lest I make a misstep somewhere.

[fred-smith.livejournal.com]

"Souldbonding" is probably a good place to start.

What does souldbonding have to do with what?

[silveradept]

The post made. I'm trying to connect it to some theme in my original post and only getting half-possibilities. So I thought it would be better if you told me how it connects.

[fred-smith.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of it as a source of potential alternate classifications if you weren't comfortable with "fur"

[silveradept]

I suspected as much - no, I think I've already come to the conclusion that there was Soulbonding going on - in fact, it may be contributing in some subtle way to the current confusion. If I'm bonding with a dragon, then the confusion over fur-ness or not could be a natural outgrowth of that - obviously, the bond knows he's a dragon.

There are times, however, when I feel like I might be or want to be channeling the dragon himself. Now that could still be bonding, but there's the tangle, as it were.

Me (primary) collects dragons and likes them quite a bit. The Adept has one, and Me, on occasion, talks to that one, but I'm also aware of a different one that's more My dragon. Here's where the confusion starts - to what degree is the dragon separated from Me and to what degree is the dragon part of Me? Thus, I'm not entirely sure if "fur" is an appropriate designation.

It feels slightly like I'm being an impostor if I were to say "I am furry". So I suppose I'm not. But if I'm bonding with a dragon, somehow it feels a bit more like I am furry at times.

That's enogh ramble. I hope I've explained my confusion.

[fred-smith.livejournal.com]

I've seen SoulBonders talking about how they begin to feel like an animal through excessive bonding with that creature.

In Chaos, the same thing kind of happens with invocations. If you call a being into your body enough, you may begin to exhibit those qualities. Maybe dragonness is rubbing up onto you.

[silveradept]

Whether this is a good or bad thing is yet to be determined. But I wouldn't be surprised if that's what it is. But it's not progressed to the point where I feel draconic (again with the joke about ancient wisdom). Thus the cnofusion, perhaps.