Last day tomorrow!

[silveradept]

Tomorrow will be the final day that I have to do work as a undergraduate student here at University. After turning in my paper and finishing the exam I have (which I will be studying for tomorrow at work), I will have finished my obligations to all of my classes. Ah-ha-ha-ha. Ph33r the grad student.

I also decorated my cap for the ceremony. It's rather busy, and probably won't be recognizable to the family, but that's okay. Unless they have their binoculars out. Which they probably will at some point. But that's not important. the important thing is that I'll be sitting through a ceremony that congratulates us on our ability to survive the jungle of academia. After a breather, I'll go back in deeper.

Ah, yes. It snowed today for the majority of the day. With sufficient accumulation that I had to brush off my vehicle before I went grocery shopping. Yeah. This is Winter's Revenge... after this, we'll go straight into Summer, with perhaps a week or two of transitory Spring.

So, Adobe and Macromedia are merging. Lovely - looks like the Microsoft school of tactics is being applied elsewhere, at least as przxqgl suggests. Along with that, we see that the government thinks there are too many tax breaks, and that filibusters should not be used to stall judicial appointments. So long as they remember that what goes around, comes around, they'll be nice and civil when a Democratic president shoves appointments past them without their ability to stall.

There was a slight scare today, as someone almost resigned his position in the journaling world, but was brought back to a more level-headed assessment by his peers and friends. Luckily, he was of a different species than the exploding toads, so his safety was not in danger at any time.

According to DRT, the UC Davis chapter of Students For an Orwellian Society are planning a visit on May 5 to the grave of Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico.We hope that the trip is doubleplusgood for all those venturing out. Any thoughtcriminals, especially Discordians, would be advised to stay away.

I took an element test. Apparently I'm a lot of air and water, and not so much on the earth and fire.

Clouds ~ 66% Water ~ 74% Wind ~ 51% Earth ~ 44% Fire ~

Big ring around the moon It's gonna rain hard soon Your colours are the dark green of the sea and silver (No kidding!), but also azure and gold. You are likely romantic, gentle, intelligent and curious. However, you may sometimes appear moody or weary. You could try wearing a Sardonyx; it inspires stamina, energy and creativity and thus brings you a bit closer to harmony. In detail: Your Heart Chakra, which is associated with the element of water and represents the sense of love and compassion, and your Throat Chakra, which is associated with the element of wind and represents the desire to learn and communicate, are predominant. Your Ground Chakra, which is associated with the element of fire and represents the basic desires and driving force, and your Creative Chakra, which is associated with the element of earth and represents the need to preserve and grow, are not quite as prominent.

Link: The Elemental Balance Test written by Nitsuki on OkCupid Free Online Dating

So I'm good with books and I have a big heart, but I'm not so good in feeling fulfilled about basic needs and whether or not I'm growing. Yeah, that sounds about right. Perhaps when I feel less like a debt-ridden college student who probably spends most of his time studying and more like a hip professional who's ready to change the world, my balances will change a bit. Maslow says you must be this self-actualized to continue. Those of us who are nervous wrecks about tiny things need not apply. No ticket and all that. After uncle_pervy gave me a sound thrashing about my own drama yesterday, I think I just need some confidence. But not the kind of confidence that leads to impostorness, the kind of confidence that I can reasonably get something right ninety-nine out of a hundred in some task. Impostor confidence is like confidence for exams - nobody has to see what you're doing or make comment on it, and you're pretty sure you'll get a good mark. The kind of confidence I need is of stiffer stuff than that - it's the stuff that gets you over your own fear enough to actually say hello to someone.

So what now? Well, for the most part, since I got a large part of the angst out of my system, I'll go back to ignoring the problem and concentrating on things that I consider to be of more importance than this. This will probably continue until I have another cathartic release into a convenient medium, like this. Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary. Subject to change without notice at any time that an attractive and unattached female crosses paths with our hero long enough for him to consider making a pass. Outcome will be unknown, of course - this being a college town, there is much that can happen at any time. Yes, I could really use to grow a pair.

Since I'm taking on a work shift or two for one of my coworkers tomorrow, this gets to be an early bed-time entry (and will continue for most of the week, actually.) Feel free to continue to mock, deride, assault, or otherwise shred and destroy any of my negative aspects or views. Whether or not I believe you will be another matter, but the effort will be appreciated. Angsting isn't a permanent condition, right?

Comments

[greyweirdo.livejournal.com]

Angsting isn't a permanent condition, right?
Well it didn't used to be. I dunno anymore, we've been through the 90's after all. Some people haven't grown out of it.

You just gotta get out there, make a damn fool of yourself and get it over with. You could scrape your knees tripping on a rug on the way to the bathroom, you might as well do it while doing something that could turn out cool.

[silveradept]

Agreed. So the next time that some crosses my path that I'll feel confident enough about asking, and I make mention of it, you and everyone else needs to beat me over the head with a frying pan so I don't get all waffly.

[greyweirdo.livejournal.com]

Hee hee! I gets to beat people with frying pans.

[sharkcowsheep.livejournal.com]

There's really no use fretting about what kind of confidence you need--that way lies more indecision and angst, and Fred Gallagher gets all kinds of nasty mails from people fed up with Piro doing that.

Fake it. Practice faking it. Eventually it's not fake. God knows I've been there and it takes work but it's definitely worth it.

[silveradept]

Right, then. Maybe that will be the reminder - "Silver, you're Piro-ing again." And I'll say, "Oh, my bad. Let's do something about that."

[sharkcowsheep.livejournal.com]

That's a beautiful idea, elegant in its simplicty. :) Good luck!

[urbankotq.livejournal.com]

Exploding toad? I might be. You never know, on the Internet.

[silveradept]

But if you were, then you make a very convincing porcupine. Kudos to your acting skills.