Squee!

[silveradept]

Tomorrow I get a ceremony all to myself (there are advantages to being a MEMS major, after all) - of course, since it's at 9AM, you get what you pay for. Beyond that, an Honors ceremony of some sort at 10AM. And then fun with whomever decided to come in and see me do those things. I've also finished a four-day work stint... these last couple days have had me updating and loading iWhacks with OSX and marking the ones that don't have the guts for it to be sent to the boneyard. Of course, at some point that means that I'll be taking them down to the boneyard, too, so it's a mixed blessing. Moving the computers around makes me wonder just how strong I am, because those things aren't particularly light, but I can still cart them around pretty well. Then again, I'm not using them as dead-weight, carrying them with just one arm, either. Tomato, tomahto. Maybe I'm just hallucinating.

My legs are still sore and my hips bruised from the game of Whirlyball I played on Tuesday. Did all right in four games, scoring in two of the games, and one of them was a hat trick. But I'm still recovering from the shock, or something. Those bumps in quick bumper cars can really stress your muscles, I guess. Ah, well, it's not serious enough to sideline me.

I'm glad I've got more brains than this clueless script kiddie. Seriously. Sander says you must be this intelligent to use the Internet. Sander also says you must be this computer-literate to even threaten hacking someone else, much less figure out where the tools for such are. Children should not be running about the Internet unsupervised, because they tend to get into trouble. In case you need proof, the President was sent to his secret bunker by clouds. And this is the guy we trust to run the country well.

Shameless Plug: Please, when it arrives on DVD, go buy and watch Hare+Guu (the English title for Jungle wa Itsumo Hare Nochi Guu)

Went to the Lavender Graduation today, and found our past KKPsi president was honored with the Ally of the Year award, in addition to our chapter being nominated for the group of the year, and another of the chapter's members was nominated for the ally award as well. While it's not as strange, as say, cold fusion, I have to admit to surprise in finding out so many of us were up for recognition.

There are always other thoughts that accompany this subject matter. I think I'm a little more settled on what position I'd like to enforce on myself. I'm still a little afraid that my upbringing is suddenly going to manifest itself in a very bad way. The more I hang around people with differences without freaking out, though, the more I think it's possible that I can overcome that provincialism and remove it from my psyche. Admittedly, having a good friend come out to you is a major impetus towards codifying that response - I think I did reasonably well. Hanging out with people who I know have different orientation and not freaking out is helpful. Consider it the fault of my social anxiety or something else that I'm still not sure how I'd handle being hit on by a guy. (Probably won't know until it happens.)

I'm also a bit... confused is the wrong word for it, but it's close, about what sort of role I should be playing in the dance. Is it acceptable to be someone who is fine with the existence of homosexuals and not to hold it against them or to think of it as something important colouring our associations? Or do I need to be out at the lines, shouting, picketing, driving up awareness through activity? If I feel like my voice is somehow... unsuited to the task, not being part of the community, what then? Is it enough to be someone who can be talked to about those issues? Is it enough to hold the progressive viewpoint?

Obviously, those questions extend beyond merely this issue into the myriad other ideas and ideals that I have for myself and others. If I'm holding back, I want to know why. Fear, certainly, but of what? Violence? Hate? My parents? (Believe it or not, that Catholic guilt and my parents are concerns at the moment - college and all that.) Would it be more effective to be subtle - one of those people who says things so that the ear that is listening will hear? To be loud? Where between the shadows and the light should I stand? I think of welah's slogan - "Come on out - You're not alone here." and say, "That should be true for all peoples." Was voting against Proposal Two enough? (Well, it passed, so I suppose not.)

Or is the answer staring me in the face - "Do as much as you're comfortable with - every bit helps, whether you see the effects or not?" (This is the bash-me-over-the-head-with-a-baseball-bat and shout "STOP OVER-THINKING SO GODSDAMNED MUCH" response, by the way. I suspect it'll be the popular one.) Well, okay it should probably read "Do a little more than you're comfortable with" so that I end up testing the boundaries of my Safe Space and expanding myself as a person. Eris's hand, stagnation causes death, those sorts of things.

I feel, perhaps... paralyzed to take a step like that. I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for people that are considering taking the step of coming out of the closet.

I request input. Since my remarks are scattershot, the responses will probably mirror that. The zephyr that is my brain is not often easily tied down for long. And I still get the sense that I'm repeating myself. Maybe I didn't get it well enough the first time around. Or maybe I was daydreaming, like Osaka.

Comments

[welah.livejournal.com]

In the queer community, you're what's known as an ally. To extend the metaphor, you're a friend of our friends and an enemy of our enemies, even if you're not in the same country. But being an ally doesn't mean you have to be in the trenches with us. You can help just by being available for support.
As long as we know you're not against us, you're helping. You're showing us we're not alone.
And don't worry too much about being a vegetable in a bowl of fruit, either. Everyone there is used to living around straight people. Sure, you might get asked if you're gay or not, but don't take it personally (unless you want to take it as a compliment :-) We're used to being 1 in 10, so we know not to assume anything. Don't be afraid to joke around a little, either. ("Are you gay?" "No, just fashionable")
Another slogan that comes to mind is "Don't assume I'm straight. Don't assume I'm not."
And of course, always be yourself. Nobody more appreciates the value and beauty of being who you are, society be damned.

As far as your comfort level, well, drink a lot before you go. :-)
I'm kidding, of course, but I don't expect you to be perfectly comfortable with homosexuality. When you've been raised with certain ideas of what's good and what's bad, it takes more than just sheer strength of will to change. But the fact that you're making the effort is as much as we want from anyone.

If all else fails, hang out with the lesbians. At least you've got something in common with them. :-)

-Welah!

[silveradept]

So it can be acceptable just to be willing to accept homosexuals as people, rather than trying to see them as something else (like how many would see them as abominatinos to G-d?) By being myself, though, I think I'll be the kind of person who silently helps causes without actually being seen at any rallies for them. In that sense it seems like I'm not doing enough. At the same time, there's something holding me back from openly expressing such ideas. Perhaps it really is fear of my parents. I don't know.

[uncle-pervy.livejournal.com]

Well, since I already gave you a Kick in the Ass, I won't beat you over the head with a bat (although I sure would enjoy it!) and just say I agree with Welah's assessment 100%. I have wondered about you sometimes considering how much your parents seem to think of me as a "disruptive influence"...although mind you I've had my brain scrambled pretty much by stuff you said or turned me onto.

Maybe it helps me that I was only a Hatemonger Christian when I jumped in at 10, but if I could claw out if it and not be a bigot, then I know for certain you'll do just fine Al. I'm guessing more than anything else you're afraid of going into the unknown. Just take it logically and use rational constructs. I will admit that although you and many others know how much I love the womens, I have thought about what makes a Gay person tick, what they think about and their thought processes. I'll admit that I'll probably never fully understand, I can at least see them as equals. As long as you do that, I'm sure you'll be fine. Enjoy the Party!

[silveradept]

Your disruptive influence is usually a positive one, thought - it helps me knock away more of my unwanted provincialisms.

Being afraid of the unknown is one of my major faults, most certainly. If there were some way that I could contravene it, I would be most interested in figuring out how. So long as I hold the principle that people should be treated as people, rather than a bunch of characteristics that are lumped together, I think I'll be okay with people from all walks of life. It just feels inadequate at times, that's all. It seems like I should be doing more than I am.