Well, then...

I have, within today, had a day where at some point, the idea of committing seppuku may have been preferable to seeing it through to the end. Whether I have ended it with a great save or a major disaster is yet to be seen. Disaster is the heavy favorite at the moment, and if confirmed, it will only prove that I have the social graces of a brick. That, and it will make one of my deadliest fears a reality - the consequence of that will be enough cause for me to renounce a membership in any chivalric organizations I belong to for abjectly and utterly failing to live up to the oath I swore when I joined.

So right now, I'm not feeling particularly good about myself, and certain specters of the past are beginning to rise again. Even if things turn out in a fairly good way compared to what they could have been, I'll still probably beat myself soundly for this whole incident. It's the least I can do after what has happened so far.

Challenges tomorrow - need to work on those. Meeting tomorrow. Class tomorrow. Assignments to do and things to read. The fun never stops, not now, anyway. That sword is probably going to look very attractive before things are all finished. Now all I have to do is try to go to bed. There's probably going to be a long chat with my Soulbonds over the next few days about what to do, or not do, or say, or not say. I think they know best. The question is whether or not they can teach me in a way that even I can't screw up.

Having something considerably less than the best
-S.A.