silveradept | I'm jealous of you. All of you.

That's right. Each and every one of you. I've got green eyes when I look at all of you. Your successes speak to my insufficiencies. You, I'm jealous of you because you take everything in stride so well and very little ruffles you. Befits your position, I'm sure.

You, I'm jealous of you because you got out of college, moved to where you wanted to be, and are doing fantastic in your life. You, I'm jealous because you're going to get out of college with far less in loans than I have and have significantly better job prospects, I suspect.

I'm jealous of you because you've found someone eminently suited to you, and of you because you get to fulfill your desires every day. I'm jealous of you because you can hang out and be a hentai god, and nobody looks at you strange for it. I'm jealous because you found and married a girl most people would kill to have look their way with a smile.

I'm jealous of you because you sling around ideas that I can barely get the general gist of, much less follow to their particulars. I'm jealous of you, because your degree will far outstrip mine in terms of importance and prestige. I'm jealous of you, because you've got far more courage than I ever will. And I envy you, because you're never afraid to talk about anything, regardless of how risque it is.

You I envy because you can make your signature puns without effort, you I envy for your art skills. I wish that I could teach like you do, and I want to have your parenting skills. You're a talented writer, you pursue your goals doggedly. You're far and away my superior when it comes to word games, and you dodge death itself daily.

You're open about who you are, and you tell the world to stuff it when they look at you weird. You're a Goddess among people, and you always have something inspirational to say.

The list goes on. Each one of you has a talent, regardless as to whether you think it is, or a relationship, or your personality is stellar. You've got brains to spare, and you stop to help me understand or to refine my understanding. Taken together, you're all going to achieve far more than I ever will. Taken individually, you'll achieve more and different things than I will. My jealousy isn't borne out of a desire to take what you have from you, but to share in it, to find it for myself.

Perhaps there are two or three consolations, though - what you have, I can achieve for myself. I know this is possible. But I must choose wisely which of you I want to chase and which I will just admire. The other is that, perhaps, some of you admire me as well and feel that the roles are reversed, and that I have somehow achieved the higher position. The last is simply this - while the birds look serene on top of the water, the paddling going on underneath is what keeps the illusion from breaking. Underneath the water, the truth is revealed. There's work involved as well as talent. So the stuff that I work on might appear effortless to other people.

Just remember - I'm jealous of you. And that says volumes about how good you all are.

Current Mood: jealous
Current Music: Tenpei Sato - R+R Junkie

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

brynnmyrddin.livejournal.com

*hugs* I do admire you. You're far more eloquent than I will ever be, and even if your job of choice isn't as flashy as some others, you'll still influence people, just not in such a showy manner.

From:

silveradept

*hugs* Thanks for the compliment. I just have to remember that when I look at everyone else "zooming by" and wondering why I chose this job. Hopefully, then I have storytime, and I remember why.

From:

annaonthemoon.livejournal.com

You are going to make an excellent Youth Librarian, and will touch the lives of so many children.

From:

sharpsight.livejournal.com

M) *tries to guess who is whom*

Are you jealous of me?

From:

silveradept

Yes, you're mentioned up there. And not everyone mentioned up there is someone who you could find on Livejournal.

From:

przxqgl.livejournal.com

i'll trade you.

From:

silveradept

What do you want to trade? (Assuming, of course, that we each have sufficient surpluses to make good trades with.)

From:

przxqgl.livejournal.com

i'll trade my brain injured, broke, intensely depressing life for just about anything you've got to offer, especially if it means going back to when i was a college student and starting all over again.

From:

annaonthemoon.livejournal.com

I'm not jealous of you, so much as I admire you, but you alredy know that. There's so much that you do that I just WISH I was able to do, you know? I wish I had the courage to just find the money to go to grad school with, I wish I had studied such a cool undergrad...I wish...well, a lot of things. And jealous of me? Are you sure? Seriously...nothing to be jealos of here.

*hugs*

From:

silveradept

Um, you're on a first name basis with all the members of a successful musical group. Of course I'm jealous.

From:

annaonthemoon.livejournal.com

*chuckles* you're kidding me? That makes you jealous? I guess I just don't see it as something to be jealous of me of, moreso because it's a bit fangirlie, really.

From:

silveradept

As opposed to what? You're jealous of me because I'm a graduate student? Degrees of importance - I'd like ot be charismatic enough to be on a first-name basis with famous people. Instead, I'm poring over volumes in dark stacks trying to earn a degree that will get me a job. It's all about degrees.

From:

annaonthemoon.livejournal.com

I suppose. You're right, it matters what's important to each person, but you know...it's not that hard to be on first name basis' with famous people, IMHO. I don't know. I just...I guess I'm stuck in the permanent loop of not feeling overly important, so why should anyone be jealous of me for anything? And my connection to BNL is one of the "least important"/"least impressive" things...but I guess that's becaus I've known them for so long.

But it also helps to prove that i'm not all that extraordinary, if the one thing that makes you jealous is an aquaintenceship that I have...

From:

silveradept

Are you going to wallow there in your inferiority complex, or are you going to take the initative and climb out of that particular mudpit on your own?

From:

annaonthemoon.livejournal.com

..says the man who he himself jsut admitted to being jealous of all his friends.

From:

silveradept

Ah, but there's a difference. My jealousy is "You have something I want, and now I have to decide whether I want to put in the effort to go get it for myself. I can, it's just a matter of whether I have the will and patience to do so."

What you just said was "You have something I want, but I'm sure I can't get it for myself, and so I'm going to pity myself and think that I'm small and helpless and useless."

I get like that occasionally. And then someone usually whacks me with the Fish of Truth, and I get over it. Find your fish, whatever it may be.

From:

annaonthemoon.livejournal.com

Please don't hit me with a fish. They're kinda smelly. Sure, going to grad school would be interestin, but honestly? I don't think I'd surive it. I'm not smart enough, and I know this. I know how I got into Penn State, and it wasn't because I was super smart.

From:

greyweirdo.livejournal.com

And then someone usually whacks me with the Fish of Truth,

It's a trout actually.

The Trout of Truth
The Abalone of Awareness
And the Great big Squid of will you please take your head out of your ass.

These are the fish of justice.

From:

silveradept

Well, generally since the only time I see the fish is when I'm being hit with it, I haven't always had time to analyze it properly and know that it's a trout.

From:

annaonthemoon.livejournal.com

The last is simply this - while the birds look serene on top of the water, the paddling going on underneath is what keeps the illusion from breaking. Underneath the water, the truth is revealed. There's work involved as well as talent. So the stuff that I work on might appear effortless to other people.

I know we've talked about that before, the illusion of ducks on the water, and I think it does a pretty good idea of explaining what goes on...we're all kind of like ducks, no matter what it is that we are doing in our life..we're all ferociously paddling with our feet to keep our heads above the water. If we stop, we drown.

From:

idan-cohen.livejournal.com

I approve of this post in terms usually reserved for nude women and cute kittens in tiny hats. It brought a little quiet smile to my lips, which does not happen enough.

Keep on keeping on, sir.

From:

reaverta.livejournal.com

Snark aside, I fully second this post.

I only hope those that really need to comprehend it actually manage to do so.

From: (Anonymous)

How about me? Are you jealous of me? If so, why? I'm curious.

Taniwha

From:

silveradept

I'm quite jealous of you - you've got a wholly different perspective on life, you live in a different country... you've got a wholly different life than I do. I'm jealous of your experience of life.

From:

taniwhanui.livejournal.com

yeah, I remember you saying much the same thing in response to a question I asked about a comment you left on one of my memes a month or so back.

Your response puzzled me a little, because I felt/feel that my life is pretty ordinary - NZ is a Western country, much like any other one, and I just go to work, hang out with friends and family, indulge in hobbies and interests etc. Much like any other person.

Thanks for explaining. (:

Taniwha

From:

silveradept

That may be all you think it is - but compared to what I do under those same cetegories, you've got a much different life. There are parts of it that I really like and would like to have more of in my own life.

From:

taniwhanui.livejournal.com

Fair enough. I guess it's true that we can't really judge or know what someone else's life is like until we've walked the proverbial mile in their shoes.

There's still lots I'd like to change about my life and myself. One day I'll get there, but in the meantime I'm just trying to focus on what I am and have, and being content with it.

*hugs*

Taniwha

From:

shenalia.livejournal.com

Jealous of me? Must be from the yote. ;P

You can assume the feeling mutual; I could never make such witty observations on as wide of a topic range as you do on a daily basis.

From:

silveradept

The wit depends on you being able to follow the twists that my mind goes through when I'm putting diverse links together. So by virtue of being able to keep up, you already have enough brainpower for me to be jealous of.

From:

pontifax.livejournal.com

That's a lot of people to be envious of, mate. At least you didn't do your ENTIRE friendslist....that would have been even more. No worries, mate. I definitely understand how you feel. I get like this sometimes myself, but realize that you're your own person and that I'd put more than even money down on the fact that someone out there envies you as well.

Always enjoy your posts, SA. Hang in there. You rock. :)

From:

silveradept

Representative sample, yaknow? Getting through the whole friendslist would probably call down a firestorm for taking up space.

thanks for the copmliment. I'm pretty sure there are people who envy me, but the point was to show off how much I envy them. Possibly even more. And that it's not really a abd thing for me to do it, because all of the people I envy are Just That Awesome.

From:

reaverta.livejournal.com

Here! Be jealous of my, uhh, ... ability to remove lamers from servers? Beautiful scenery by dint of living in NZ (Or so people keep telling me)?

Ability to not have brothers actually succeed in attempting to kill themselves? Um.

*steals your degree, swaps it for his chtuluian horror of a pile of homework and homestress*

From:

silveradept

Beautiful scenery is nothing to sneeze at, man. Neither is managing to deal with significant stress in both assignments and family life. You've got a lot going for you that I could use to have.