I'm jealous of you. All of you.
Oct. 15th, 2006 02:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silveradeptThat's right. Each and every one of you. I've got green eyes when I look at all of you. Your successes speak to my insufficiencies. You, I'm jealous of you because you take everything in stride so well and very little ruffles you. Befits your position, I'm sure.
You, I'm jealous of you because you got out of college, moved to where you wanted to be, and are doing fantastic in your life. You, I'm jealous because you're going to get out of college with far less in loans than I have and have significantly better job prospects, I suspect.
I'm jealous of you because you've found someone eminently suited to you, and of you because you get to fulfill your desires every day. I'm jealous of you because you can hang out and be a hentai god, and nobody looks at you strange for it. I'm jealous because you found and married a girl most people would kill to have look their way with a smile.
I'm jealous of you because you sling around ideas that I can barely get the general gist of, much less follow to their particulars. I'm jealous of you, because your degree will far outstrip mine in terms of importance and prestige. I'm jealous of you, because you've got far more courage than I ever will. And I envy you, because you're never afraid to talk about anything, regardless of how risque it is.
You I envy because you can make your signature puns without effort, you I envy for your art skills. I wish that I could teach like you do, and I want to have your parenting skills. You're a talented writer, you pursue your goals doggedly. You're far and away my superior when it comes to word games, and you dodge death itself daily.
You're open about who you are, and you tell the world to stuff it when they look at you weird. You're a Goddess among people, and you always have something inspirational to say.
The list goes on. Each one of you has a talent, regardless as to whether you think it is, or a relationship, or your personality is stellar. You've got brains to spare, and you stop to help me understand or to refine my understanding. Taken together, you're all going to achieve far more than I ever will. Taken individually, you'll achieve more and different things than I will. My jealousy isn't borne out of a desire to take what you have from you, but to share in it, to find it for myself.
Perhaps there are two or three consolations, though - what you have, I can achieve for myself. I know this is possible. But I must choose wisely which of you I want to chase and which I will just admire. The other is that, perhaps, some of you admire me as well and feel that the roles are reversed, and that I have somehow achieved the higher position. The last is simply this - while the birds look serene on top of the water, the paddling going on underneath is what keeps the illusion from breaking. Underneath the water, the truth is revealed. There's work involved as well as talent. So the stuff that I work on might appear effortless to other people.
Just remember - I'm jealous of you. And that says volumes about how good you all are.
You, I'm jealous of you because you got out of college, moved to where you wanted to be, and are doing fantastic in your life. You, I'm jealous because you're going to get out of college with far less in loans than I have and have significantly better job prospects, I suspect.
I'm jealous of you because you've found someone eminently suited to you, and of you because you get to fulfill your desires every day. I'm jealous of you because you can hang out and be a hentai god, and nobody looks at you strange for it. I'm jealous because you found and married a girl most people would kill to have look their way with a smile.
I'm jealous of you because you sling around ideas that I can barely get the general gist of, much less follow to their particulars. I'm jealous of you, because your degree will far outstrip mine in terms of importance and prestige. I'm jealous of you, because you've got far more courage than I ever will. And I envy you, because you're never afraid to talk about anything, regardless of how risque it is.
You I envy because you can make your signature puns without effort, you I envy for your art skills. I wish that I could teach like you do, and I want to have your parenting skills. You're a talented writer, you pursue your goals doggedly. You're far and away my superior when it comes to word games, and you dodge death itself daily.
You're open about who you are, and you tell the world to stuff it when they look at you weird. You're a Goddess among people, and you always have something inspirational to say.
The list goes on. Each one of you has a talent, regardless as to whether you think it is, or a relationship, or your personality is stellar. You've got brains to spare, and you stop to help me understand or to refine my understanding. Taken together, you're all going to achieve far more than I ever will. Taken individually, you'll achieve more and different things than I will. My jealousy isn't borne out of a desire to take what you have from you, but to share in it, to find it for myself.
Perhaps there are two or three consolations, though - what you have, I can achieve for myself. I know this is possible. But I must choose wisely which of you I want to chase and which I will just admire. The other is that, perhaps, some of you admire me as well and feel that the roles are reversed, and that I have somehow achieved the higher position. The last is simply this - while the birds look serene on top of the water, the paddling going on underneath is what keeps the illusion from breaking. Underneath the water, the truth is revealed. There's work involved as well as talent. So the stuff that I work on might appear effortless to other people.
Just remember - I'm jealous of you. And that says volumes about how good you all are.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-16 04:34 pm (UTC)