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silveradeptIt should not be news when a celebrity comes out as lesbian or gay. Not because it isn't a momentous occasion when anyone comes out and chooses to live their lives openly and honestly. Not because it doesn't warm the heart to see other celebrities congratulate and rally around someone who has just come out.
Because...
Orientation should only matter if you're trying to get in someone's pants. At that point, it is worth knowing, as a general measure of how successful your attempts could potentially be.
But the United States is not a country that has a history of not being concerned with difference. It took the U.S. almost one hundred years before white people decided that people who weren't white should be treated as full persons, instead of property. And then it took almost another hundred before some white people started actually believing it. And it's been almost sixty years since then before one state decided that marriage should be open to everyone. That it came so quickly after many states and the federal government decided marriage should be restricted only to certain persons may be the accelerating force of history toward justice, but acceleration is still the second derivative of distance traveled.
We're still working on the bit about how women and men should achieve equality wherever possible. And while there have been a couple steps forward, there's a lot of stalling going on in that regard.
So, in that regard, it should be utterly un-noteworthy to note that Ellen Page, actress, has come out as a lesbian, joining a large complement of actresses and other famous figures who are lesbian. Because, if the United States were the country it claims to be, or claims to want to be, things like that would be routine matters, and not potential invitations to violence, exclusion, and disbelief from people who appoint themselves the ultimate arbiters of reality and what the ideal should be. Now, Ellen Page is unlikely to suffer these things, because her notoriety will likely insulate her from those effects. But others less famous have to calculate the tradeoffs between being out and the possible ramifications of that, versus staying closeted and the soul-eating effects that accompany that decision. They shouldn't have to do that calculus.
But then you listen to Ellen Page coming out at an event put on by the Human Rights Campaign and you realize that even famous actresses have to deal with this calculus. Because the world of Hollywood reflects not-Hollywood, often to fun-house dimensons. And that if someone with as much relative privilege as she has is talking about these things with visible and audible emotional distress present (seriously, the transcript does not convey the emotional content, watch the video), then imagine how much worse it is for someone who lacks the standing of being a famous and well-liked actress. And for someone who is not guaranteed the supportive audience at their coming out and the many expressions of solidarity from others in their community after they come out.
Coming out, whether as QUILTBAG, or as kinky, poly, furry, pagan, or one of the many identities that suffer oppression, could be less stressful for everyone, if we were willing to actually make a welcoming environment for everyone. Until then, though, take heart and strength in those accounts where people do come out, and are accepted, and are able to live normal lives, and then choose to use their platform to help others come out and be accepted. And in the fact that when Ellen Page committed an act of bravery, the audience, and others, applauded.
It does get better for most. But instead of waiting, let's make it better now.
That way, we won't have to call it news when someone comes out. And when someone commits violence based on hateful ideologies, especially when the person committing violence expressly states their violence is based in hateful ideologies, we don't spend news cycles trying to decide whether the violence was because of some other factor. That's cowardice, and it takes away from what we should be doing - condemning the act of violence committed against other people and the hateful ideology that brought the violence about. Our newsmedia still can't conclude what should be obvious. So it falls to us, instead, to consistently refocus the conversation, to build the environments that will support people in the identities they take for themselves, and to strive for the ideal, so that everyone can live fully, authentically, and completely as themselves.
It shouldn't be news when someone comes out. Because coming out shouldn't be so difficult as to be newsworthy.
Because...
Orientation should only matter if you're trying to get in someone's pants. At that point, it is worth knowing, as a general measure of how successful your attempts could potentially be.
But the United States is not a country that has a history of not being concerned with difference. It took the U.S. almost one hundred years before white people decided that people who weren't white should be treated as full persons, instead of property. And then it took almost another hundred before some white people started actually believing it. And it's been almost sixty years since then before one state decided that marriage should be open to everyone. That it came so quickly after many states and the federal government decided marriage should be restricted only to certain persons may be the accelerating force of history toward justice, but acceleration is still the second derivative of distance traveled.
We're still working on the bit about how women and men should achieve equality wherever possible. And while there have been a couple steps forward, there's a lot of stalling going on in that regard.
So, in that regard, it should be utterly un-noteworthy to note that Ellen Page, actress, has come out as a lesbian, joining a large complement of actresses and other famous figures who are lesbian. Because, if the United States were the country it claims to be, or claims to want to be, things like that would be routine matters, and not potential invitations to violence, exclusion, and disbelief from people who appoint themselves the ultimate arbiters of reality and what the ideal should be. Now, Ellen Page is unlikely to suffer these things, because her notoriety will likely insulate her from those effects. But others less famous have to calculate the tradeoffs between being out and the possible ramifications of that, versus staying closeted and the soul-eating effects that accompany that decision. They shouldn't have to do that calculus.
But then you listen to Ellen Page coming out at an event put on by the Human Rights Campaign and you realize that even famous actresses have to deal with this calculus. Because the world of Hollywood reflects not-Hollywood, often to fun-house dimensons. And that if someone with as much relative privilege as she has is talking about these things with visible and audible emotional distress present (seriously, the transcript does not convey the emotional content, watch the video), then imagine how much worse it is for someone who lacks the standing of being a famous and well-liked actress. And for someone who is not guaranteed the supportive audience at their coming out and the many expressions of solidarity from others in their community after they come out.
Coming out, whether as QUILTBAG, or as kinky, poly, furry, pagan, or one of the many identities that suffer oppression, could be less stressful for everyone, if we were willing to actually make a welcoming environment for everyone. Until then, though, take heart and strength in those accounts where people do come out, and are accepted, and are able to live normal lives, and then choose to use their platform to help others come out and be accepted. And in the fact that when Ellen Page committed an act of bravery, the audience, and others, applauded.
It does get better for most. But instead of waiting, let's make it better now.
That way, we won't have to call it news when someone comes out. And when someone commits violence based on hateful ideologies, especially when the person committing violence expressly states their violence is based in hateful ideologies, we don't spend news cycles trying to decide whether the violence was because of some other factor. That's cowardice, and it takes away from what we should be doing - condemning the act of violence committed against other people and the hateful ideology that brought the violence about. Our newsmedia still can't conclude what should be obvious. So it falls to us, instead, to consistently refocus the conversation, to build the environments that will support people in the identities they take for themselves, and to strive for the ideal, so that everyone can live fully, authentically, and completely as themselves.
It shouldn't be news when someone comes out. Because coming out shouldn't be so difficult as to be newsworthy.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-31 04:02 pm (UTC)(By and large, media punditry is cowardice. Well-paid cowardice, of course.)
no subject
Date: 2014-06-01 12:01 am (UTC)Yeah, a lot of media is cowardly, because they can't offend the sponsors or they fold.
no subject
Date: 2014-06-03 05:24 pm (UTC)I just can't even with a lot of this right now, but I like how you think about it.